Ready for the Storm
by pommedeplume
Summary: Lonely fisherman with a dark secret, Remus Lupin, shipwrecks on an island and is rescued by handsome lighthouse keeper, Sirius Black. They quickly fall for each other, but can their love overcome the secrets that haunt them and the needs of a struggling island community that could tear them apart? Find out, in this story that spans decades, deep, dark waters and raging storms.
1. The Waves Crash

The old fisherman yawned, then blinked twice. Reflexively, he moved a hand in front of his eyes to shield them from the morning sun. A seagull screamed as it flew past the window. He flinched slightly then grunted in annoyance at being awake so early.

He took a deep breath then exhaled. He hadn't slept well and he needed tea. He stretched hard and let out a sharp groan. He then pulled the quilt off himself and slid his feet out of bed and sat up.

For a moment, he slumped over, holding his weight with a hand on a knee. He ached and was thankful it would be a few more days before he had to go back out to sea.

He looked down at the wrinkled hand on his knee. He wasn't sure when he had begun thinking of himself as the old fisherman. In truth, he was no longer sure how old he was. He supposed he just hadn't thought about it much. He was older than either of his parents had lived to be but still much younger than the oldest people he'd ever met.

He made a small chuckle at the idea of thinking of himself as 'people'. He wondered at what point he had started doing that as well.

He coughed and stood up, hearing the wooden boards of the floor creak with his movement. There was a knock at the door and then he heard Lily say, "Are you awake, Remus? Coming down for breakfast and tea soon, I hope."

"Just a moment and I'll be right down," Remus called, suddenly realising how dry his mouth was.

"Great. See you soon," Lily replied and he listened as she walked down the stairs.

It took more than just a moment for Remus to enter the lavatory. After he'd emptied his bladder he went to the sink to brush his teeth. He stopped to look at the face in the mirror. He brought his hand up to feel the lines of his face, closing his eyes.

Fingers traced the indentation of the scar that ran from the left corner of his mouth across his cheek. He had no memory of receiving the wound that created the scar but he remembered, painfully, everything that came after. He had hoped it would fade with age but it never had.

Another scar ran vertically across his right eyebrow. He couldn't recall giving himself it but he remembered waking up with it, his own doing. That was the day he met _him_ and he would never forget that.

Remus sighed and opened his eyes. His hair was completely grey now but he didn't look nearly as old as he felt, he realized. His brown eyes were still bright and his vision was not bad. Though he could feel the lines of his face with his fingers they weren't as visible as he thought.

He squinted at himself then shook his head. He couldn't possibly be that old. He was no older than James or Lily, he was certain of that and he recalled Lily turning sixty-two not long ago.

Remus went ahead and brushed his teeth, using the minty herbal paste Lily made. Remus worried he had never taken very good care of his teeth but still had most of them and the ones he lost had not been from poor dental hygiene.

He went back to his room and put on a deeply faded brown shirt and trousers. He didn't even bother with boots, instead putting on slippers, before finally walking down the old wooden staircase to the kitchen below.

Lily was sitting at the dining table, sipping tea from a large red mug. She looked at Remus mid-sip, raised an eyebrow then set down her mug.

"That was a long moment, Remus," Lily said, sit her mug down, then with a gesture of her hand added, "Your tea's gone cold."

Lily reached over and slightly motioned with her fingers over the cup. There was a small, nearly imperceptible red glow followed by a wisp of steam rising from the cup.

There was also some buttered toast on a plate that he didn't suppose Lily's fingers could fix without burning it. Remus sat down and took a bite of the toast, which wasn't as cold as he expected, then took a sip of the tea.

The tea was perfect. Lily's spiced tea tasted vaguely of cinnamon and cardamom and managed to warm his body without stinging his mouth, even without milk and honey. The flavour reminded Remus a plant he had once tasted as a child but those leaves grew on the other side of the world. He had tried to find them elsewhere many times and was confident there was no way Lily was using them.

After forty years, Remus still didn't know where Lily's powers came from or what she was. She had consistently claimed to be human, but then again she believed Remus was just as human as she was and he thought they both knew better than that.

Whatever Lily was she didn't seem to have passed it onto her son Harry or her grandchildren, as far as Remus knew.

Lily was certainly capable of some impossible things but Remus supposed he was a bit of an impossible thing himself and shouldn't judge.

"How old are you Lily? Sixty-two, right?" Remus asked, trying to sound casual.

"Sixty-three," Lily answered, giving Remus a look of confusion.

"Hmm," Remus said and looked her over.

Lily's hair was still red, though not as dark as it once was. Her eyes were the same beautiful green as the day they met. She had aged since then but he didn't think she looked old.

"Something wrong?" Lily asked.

"No, it's nothing. Just admiring how gracefully you've aged, my dear friend," Remus replied and raised his mug to her in honour.

Lily's red, painted lips smirked and she said, "Thank you, Remus. Want some more toast?"

She was wearing a dark blue dress and a seashell necklace which hung down just above her bosom that her son's wife had made for her as a Midwinter gift a few years back.

"Yes, thank you," Remus replied then was startled by a sudden tap at the window.

Sitting on the windowsill was what some would call a bird, though Remus preferred to call it "one of James's amazing mechanical creations." It looked more like a metallic shell of a bird than an actual bird, even if it moved just like a real bird.

It was holding in its beak a piece of paper which Lily grabbed after opening the window. She leaned against the kitchen counter and read it carefully. After finishing, she closed the paper and looked away from Remus, expressionless. Finally, she sat down and set the paper on the table in front of him.

"It's Harry and Ginny. They think they've finally found _him_ ," Lily said and Remus felt his heart stop at the way she said ' _him_ '.

Lily's eyes were wide and expectant and she didn't appear to be breathing. Remus desperately wanted to say something but he felt frozen in place, unable to react.

Lily exhaled, closed her eyes and wet her lips. She opened her eyes and brushed a strand of hair from them then continued: "There's word of an island where a man who calls himself Captain Black resides. He works as a trader for an entire cluster of islands. Has an impressive reputation, Harry says."

Remus unconsciously touched his lips with the tips of two fingers. He could feel old pain rising and he wanted nothing more than to swallow it down, as he always did. Remus removed his hand, sighed, then shook his head in denial.

"Sirius Black is dead, Lily and _not_ a captain," Remus replied and took a sip of tea.

"Harry says he's positive it's him, Remus. He's a tall, dark haired man. Harry couldn't get a confirmation on his name but was told he was named after a star," Lily said.

Remus felt his heart stop again. He had given up hope of ever finding Sirius Black many, many years ago. He had suffered and mourned for many years before finally growing to accept that it was true.

Harry and Ginny had never given up their own search for reasons he didn't understand. They had never exactly claimed to have _found_ him before but if Remus were to allow himself to hope or believe now would only open him up to more pain.

"I can't, Lily. Sirius is dead. I have accepted this," Remus said, remaining firm on the outside, no matter the war inside of him.

Lily huffed and placed her hands flat on the table and leaned forward in his direction. Her green eyes blazed at him with an unexpected fury.

"You're not the only one here who cares about Sirius Black, Remus. What about James? Sirius was his best friend. What about me? What about Harry? What about-" Lily stopped herself before saying the last one.

She looked away, closing her eyes and quietly finished, "What about Peter?"

Remus felt a small pain at the mention of Peter Pettigrew. None of them saw much of their old friend Pete anymore. Peter blamed himself for the loss of Sirius and Remus sometimes felt inclined to agree with him, even though in a way Peter had been a victim himself.

Lily had turned back and was now sitting back up in her chair, looking austere.

"There's a storm coming. It might be bad, very bad in fact. Before he left James warned me it would be the worst one since… the last one," Lily said with a frown.

Remus made a small nod, the corner of his mouth twitching in an attempt at a frown. He could always feel a storm coming. It was like vibrations in the wind. He could almost smell it. Even with his transformations held at bay, thanks to Lily, he could still feel his skin tingle.

"I know. Even more reason not to be chasing after ghosts, lest I end up one myself," Remus said, and took a final sip of his tea.

"What if he's out there and he doesn't know it's coming, Remus?" Lily said.

"He's not out there," Remus answered, and waved his hand dismissively.

"I can't believe after all this time I'm having to try and convince you to go after him. He's alive, Remus! I can _feel_ it. I know it's true," Lily said and Remus could see tears forming in her eyes.

"I don't do big storms anymore, Lils. You've made sure I don't have to," Remus said.

"Maybe if you're fast you can beat the storm. Harry and Ginny sent exact coordinates to the island," Lily pleaded, her voice sounding desperate and strained.

Remus could see the pain in her face, her posture and most of all, her eyes. It was hard not to be moved by the pain she was feeling. He wanted to say yes, if only to make her stop hurting. He wanted to scream it out and run to his boat and set sail immediately. But could he give in? Could he break down the wall he put up so long ago to protect himself?

Remus stared at Lily and said nothing for a moment. He didn't know what he wanted to say or how he even felt.

"Let me think about it. I'm going out for a walk. I'll let you know my decision when I return," Remus said, then got up and grabbed his jacket from the hook.

Remus headed towards the door when Lily pointed at his feet said, "Slippers?"

Remus groaned and looked down at his feet. He then quickly marched back up the stairs and changed them out for his leather boots.

Minutes later he was stepping outside James and Lily's home and walking to the edge of the cliff it sat on. At the cliff's edge was a lever embedded into stone which was connected to mechanism out of which stretched a long chain. Remus pulled the lever and the chain began to pull a cart up from the ground below, steadily moving up at angle, rattling loudly as it went.

James had installed this as a faster way of getting down to the village than walking all the way down the path. Remus had always been more than a little leery of it but there had never been any accidents, yet.

Once Remus was inside the metal box he pulled a lever from inside the cart which sent the cart back to the ground. He glanced at the village with its shambling old wooden houses, pubs filled with probably heavily intoxicated fisherman, and a quietly bustling marketplace. That wasn't where he was going right now.

He glanced down the cobblestone path that lead away from the village and up towards the island's north-western corner. There he would find his destination.

Remus remembered a time when the village was no more than a few dozen houses that were barely standing and he remembered the storm that nearly destroyed them all with the vengeance of an angry sea.

Remus walked along the path for some time, following it around until he had reached his destination.

The lighthouse was no longer run by anyone in particular. James had modified it years ago to essentially work on its own. It only required a bit of maintenance and looking after from time to time. On the outside by the morning light you'd never know it was functional at all. Vines had grown up the sides, the steps leading up to the door were now covered in grass and flowers and much of the paint was faded.

Remus had argued for years that someone should run in the lighthouse and had even offered to do it himself. Lily didn't think it was a good idea for Remus to be on his own and James promised that his mechanism would reliably shine the beacon as long as it was maintained.

Remus didn't walk to the door of the lighthouse. Instead, he marched down to the water. He hadn't been down here in at least a decade but he would never forget the spot.

Remus walked over to a particular stone just a few feet from the water's edge. It was covered with dirt which Remus knelt down to brush off. On the rock was carved:

 _"SB to RL, I Will Always Light Your Way"_.

Seeing the words were like a sudden knife in Remus's heart and before he knew it was happening he was sobbing. His hand touched the muddy ground and dug in. This was the spot where they had met.


	2. The Lighthouse Will Keep Shining Out

"Are you all right?" a shaky, worried voice said in the darkness.

Remus wasn't sure where the voice was coming from. In fact, he wasn't sure where he was at all. The sudden screech of a seagull startled him and his eyes fluttered open, then quickly clenched close again, the bright light painful to his eyes.

"There you are. I thought you might be dead."

Remus forced his eyes open, slowly. The figure crouched over him slowly came into focus. Remus's first thought was that it was an angel above him.

The man had grey eyes and dark hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. His thin lips were curved into a smile, which Remus took as a good sign. He didn't spot any wings so he supposed he wasn't actually an angel.

"How do you feel?" the man asked.

Remus hadn't thought much about it but now that he did he realised he was in a great deal of pain, especially in his neck and back.

"Hurts! Everything hurts," Remus groaned.

"You're intact at least, which is more than I can say for your ship, I'm afraid," the man said then gestured out to the sea.

Remus leaned his head to the left, which hurt his neck considerably. He could see broken planks floating on the surface of the water and the tip of his sail poking out from the top of the water. Remus groaned, tried to lean up, but couldn't hold himself up so he collapsed, banging his elbow on a rock, sending sharp pain through his arm.

"Ahh," Remus said and grabbed his elbow which he then rubbed in comfort.

"Oh, watch out!"

"I've already done it," Remus replied in frustration.

"The rest of your ship crashed into rocks. The pieces are all there but you won't be sailing anywhere for the time being," the man said.

"Where am I?" Remus asked, attempting to move his head enough to look around.

"Come inside the lighthouse with me and I'll give you some tea and explain everything," the man said with a hopeful smile.

Remus glanced up. He hadn't realized the building was a lighthouse before now.

"Fine. You'll have to help me," Remus said, not really feeling in any position to disagree.

The man bent over, grabbed under Remus's arms then lifted him slightly.

"On the count of three," the man announced.

"OK," Remus said, briefly thinking the man smelt nice.

"One. Two. Three!" the man called, and Remus pushed up as hard as he could as the man lifted, finding himself standing in short order.

Upon standing Remus looked down and realized he was naked and quickly felt embarrassed. The man wasn't making a big deal out of it so he supposed he wouldn't either. He was grateful, for once, that he was in so much pain and exhausted that he couldn't possibly have any sort of uncomfortable reaction to being so close and naked with this handsome stranger.

"Don't suppose you have any clothes I could borrow," Remus said, looking back up at the man with an awkward grin.

The man's eyes seemed to want to look down but instead he nodded at Remus and then stood next to him, putting an arm under his left arm and helping him to walk towards the nearby building.

The man was stronger than his slim figure gave away but walking was still a struggle. At least twice his knees nearly gave out before the man caught him. Thankfully, the steps to the front door weren't steep.

The man managed to open the door without letting go Remus and they stepped inside. There was a table near and the man guided Remus to a chair where he finally sat down.

"Excellent. Let me get you some clothes and you can take a bath if you want," the man said and started to head upstairs before stopping and turning around.

"My name is Sirius by the way. Sirius Black," the man said then walked over and provided a hand for Remus to shake.

"Remus Lupin," Remus said and shook his hand.

Sirius's hand was soft and pale, the fingers long and thin. His grip was firm but not painful. After a moment, they released and Sirius went upstairs.

Remus laid his head on the table, finding it hard to remain conscious. He felt a shake on his shoulder and realised he had passed out. Sirius placed a shirt and pair of trousers on the table.

"I'm sorry if my clothes are a bit big on you," Sirius said.

Remus glanced up at Sirius. He hadn't noticed just how tall he was before now but it certainly was unmistakable now that he was paying attention. He doubted Sirius was ever the shortest person in a room.

"Anything is better than being naked," Remus said as he lightly touched the clothes with a weary hand.

Sirius let out a chuckle and put his hands on his hips.

"I'm not sure I agree. I find being naked sort of freeing," Sirius said.

"Perhaps. As long as it's warm," Remus said and stood up.

Sirius stepped back to give Remus room. Remus almost swore he saw Sirius's eyes briefly dart between his legs but decided he had imagined it.

"I'll help you upstairs. Make sure to tend to that wound on your face," Sirius said.

"Wound?" Remus said and began to feel around his face.

He hadn't even realized the cut was there until his fingers found it. It burned at the touch.

After Sirius helped him to the washroom upstairs he was able to better examine it in the mirror. It was a vertical cut across his right eyebrow. A claw mark, but it least it was a neat one. Sirius left him some homemade ointment to put on the cut. It would heal over time, Remus was confident of that much.

Remus then ran himself a bath. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had a hot bath. He was somewhat in awe that the lighthouse had running hot water. The only hot baths he'd ever taken required water to be heated by fire then poured into the tub.

The bath was so nice he struggled not to pass out from the sheer comfort of it. It would've been too great an irony if he'd failed to drown at sea but instead drowned in a bath tub. Though he supposed Mr. Black, the lighthouse keeper, would have a great story to tell his grandchildren one day.

Remus found it easier to get downstairs after the bath than he expected, though he still felt shaky and sore. Sirius was waiting downstairs with a hot cup of tea as promised. Remus sat down and took a sip of the tea. It tasted vaguely of apple, honey and flowers.

"What is this? It's nice," Remus said.

"It's called Chamomile. My friend provides it," Sirius said.

"It's very soothing," Remus admitted.

Sirius smiled and nodded in agreement, then leaned back casually in his chair. "Do want to talk about what happened? Why were you out in that storm?" he asked.

Remus stiffened. Obviously, he couldn't tell this man the complete truth, though he would feel bad for lying to him. Remus was used to lies though.

"I need fish for my family. My sister is practically starving. I made a dangerous choice, but it was better than seeing her suffer," Remus answered.

It wasn't a complete lie. Remus did have a sister, though she was perfectly fine as far as he knew. He hadn't seen her many in years though, and he didn't think he would ever see her again.

Sirius nodded sympathetically at Remus. He had thankfully bought the lie.

"So, how did you come to be a lighthouse keeper? Forgive me, but you seem young. You can't be any older than I am," Remus said.

Sirius smiled proudly. Something about his smile made Remus want to melt a little. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm twenty-three. I apprentice to the old keeper, Mr. Dumbledore," Sirius said.

"Dumbledore? That name sounds familiar," Remus said and scratched his head.

"You're probably thinking of Albus Dumbledore. He's governor of one of the southern islands. I forget which one. No, my teacher was Aberforth Dumbledore. No idea if they're related," Sirius said then looked puzzled.

"I suppose I never thought to ask," he then admitted with a shrug.

"So what happened to Aberforth?" Remus inquired.

"He passed away last year. He left me the lighthouse in his will. It's all mine, believe it or not," Sirius said and again flashed that proud smile.

"Must get lonely here," Remus said and took another sip of his tea.

"It can. I have friends, though. James and Peter are their names. And James's wife, Lily, comes around a lot too. It's an hours walk from them to out here though," Sirius said.

Remus realized he had never really had any friends. He had been sailing from place to place on his own for nearly a decade. He wasn't even sure what you did with friends exactly. Talk to them, he supposed.

"There's also a small village down the path not too far from here. Not much to see there though. Actually, after that storm I've no clue if any of it will be left standing," Sirius said then looked sort of worried.

"Here's hoping," Remus said and reached over and touched Sirius's hand.

He wasn't sure what had compelled him to do it. He'd even spilled a tiny bit of tea in the process. Sirius looked surprised but he didn't move his hand. His hand was soft and warm. He had long, thin fingers with nails that had been very neatly trimmed. Remus lightly squeezed then pulled away.

Sirius looked nervous then cleared his throat.

"So, Remus, I think you'll have to stay here for now. I can't make you stay here but I don't see that you have anywhere else to go. You can sleep in my bed. I have a hammock up there that will suit me just fine… that is assuming you don't mind sharing a room with me. I'm afraid I can't offer much else," Sirius said, looking hopeful.

Something about gorgeous Mr. Sirius Black troubled Remus. He couldn't tell what it was on the surface. He seemed nothing if not gentle and had certainly been very nice and helpful. He was, perhaps, a little proud but not in a dangerous sort of way. So why did Sirius him feel nervous?

Sirius smiled at Remus and he was suddenly overcome by a funny sort of sensation that felt like he was bending in on himself. Then it hit Remus: he _liked_ Sirius. He didn't really know Sirius but he certainly wanted to get to know him. Of course, getting to know Sirius would mean letting Sirius get to know him and that was a more troubling thought.

"I suppose I have little choice," Remus said, feigning disappointment and casually finishing the last of his tea.

Sirius nodded but his smiled faded. Remus realized acting like he was unhappy with the arrangement might've been a slight misstep.

"You should go ahead and get some rest upstairs. I'm going to go visit my friends and see what they think about your boat problem. My friend James is an inventor of sorts. You might be surprised at what he can come up with," Sirius said.

Remus gave a small smile, then slowly sat up from the table, wobbling a bit from weakness, and started for the stairs.

"Wait," Sirius said, and Remus turned around.

"I'm sorry about your misfortune. I know you're a stranger and I owe you nothing. But I'm a lighthouse keeper. It's my job to see you safe," Sirius said.

Remus felt tears forming in his eyes. He turned his head down so Sirius wouldn't see then nodded and headed up the stairs in silence. Behind him the door opened and shut as Sirius left.

The room was the only one aside from the wash room upstairs. It was impossible to miss. The walls of the small room were decorated seashells and fishing nets. Whether they had been put there by Sirius or the previous keeper, Remus couldn't be sure but he wanted to make it a point to ask at some point. For now it didn't matter. He climbed onto Sirius's small bed and planted his face into the pillow.

As he drifted off to sleep he had a small thought that the pillow, worn out though it was, smelled nice and that it must be what Sirius smelled like.

* * *

Remus awoke to the sound of voices downstairs. It was dark in the room aside from the rotation of the beacon from above. He had slept a long time. He realized his cheek was wet from drool and wiped it off with a twinge of embarrassment. He yawned and stretched hard, sending a sharp pain through his back which he quickly grabbed and rubbed.

Remus walked downstairs, not knowing what sort of people someone like Sirius Black would be friends with. As the table came into view he saw four people seated at it: Sirius, a woman with dark-red hair, a short and stocky, blond haired man and a taller man with messy black hair, dark skin and glasses.

"Well, hello there," the woman said and waved with a pale hand.

"Hi," the blond haired man said, seeming friendly but uncomfortable.

The tall man stood up then walked over and shook Remus's hand firmly.

"James Potter," the man said.

The woman also stood up and walked over, James stepping aside for her. Remus was struck by how lovely her green eyes were. He had never seen anything exactly like them.

Her dark red hair fell to her shoulders. She wore a loose fitting brown cloth blouse and a long matching skirt. She seemed tall for a woman, only slightly shorter than Remus who, though not short, was still much shorter than James or Sirius.

"I'm Lily. James is my husband," she said and shook Remus's hand, giving him a curious smile.

Something about her touch surprised Remus. It felt like holding lightning in a bottle. She was obviously very pretty but it wasn't that. Remus smiled and gazed into her eyes for a moment.

If Lily was lightning in a bottle then Remus realized he was too. He began to wonder if there could be another person with another part of themselves they were hiding because there was an implied mystery behind her eyes.

"Are you just going to sit there, Peter?" James called back to the blond haired man who was still seated at the table.

"Oh, sorry!" Peter said then got up from his seat and ran over and shook Remus's hand enthusiastically with a small, pale hand.

"I'm Peter. Sorry," he said.

"Please, come sit back down, everyone," Sirius said with a gesture towards the table.

Sirius got up and pulled a stool over to the table, between himself and Lily. As Remus walked over to the stool he noticed there was another individual in the room, though this one was much smaller.

"There's a child sleeping on your rug," Remus observed, flatly.

"That's our son, Harry," James said looking proud and gesturing between himself and Lily with a finger.

"I can tell. He looks a lot like you," Remus said, though it was dark and he couldn't see the boy well, there was no doubt he already had his father's hair.

"Oh, you haven't seen him with his eyes open yet. He has Lily's eyes," James beamed.

Lily smiled and winked at Remus. Her eyes were mesmerising, there was no doubt of that. To have those eyes would be a gift.

"That's incredible," Remus said then sat down between her and Sirius.

"So, Remus, Peter and I are willing to help rebuild your ship but we can't do it for free," James said, taking on a more serious tone.

"I'm afraid I haven't any money," Remus said then shook his head, chuckled and said, "Actually, I haven't anything. Even these clothes aren't mine."

James pushed his glasses up his nose, frowned but nodded.

"No, I wouldn't imagine you would, but money isn't the issue anyway. I have plenty of money, I promise you. But we do have a hungry, struggling village nearby, one that I feel personally responsible for. I've been trying to help them but there's little I can do. With your boat, once it's up and sailing again, you could bring them fish or even find things to trade," James said.

"Surely, they have boats?" Remus said.

James frowned and looked away, curiously seeming almost ashamed.

"They used to have boats. They all disappeared long ago. Lost at sea or simply… lost," James said then sighed and turned back.

"I'm used to traveling from place to place. I don't like being tied down to any one place," Remus said, feeling nervous.

"Remus, you could make a difference to the people here. Surely, that's worth something to you," James plead.

It definitely was worth something to Remus. He had been wandering aimlessly through life for far too long, though not without reason. It would be good to give back to the world in a more direct way. But at some point someone could find out his dangerous secret and it was the sort of secret that tended to be lethal.

Remus scratched his head, his fingers ruffling his honey brown hair while he studied James's impassive hazel eyes. He had a feeling that James might fix his boat anyway but would Remus feel good about it afterwards? Probably not, he decided.

"I'll do it, though I will need a place to stay," Remus said.

"You can stay with us. We have a spare room that Peter stays in sometimes. You could have it. Indefinitely, if you like," Lily said, warmly.

Remus glanced over at little Harry asleep on the floor. No, he couldn't allow himself to possibly endanger a child.

"I'm not sure I'm made for living with children," Remus lied.

Remus loved children, which was exactly why he didn't want to live with them.

"I'd let you stay with me but I live with my mum. There's no really space," Peter said, looking regretful.

"Thanks, anyway," Remus said, with a small nod in Peter's direction who smiled in response.

"You're welcome to stay here with me as long as you want," Sirius said.

Remus looked at the gorgeous Mr. Black, his hair loose about his neck, his hands folded beneath his chin and his grey eyes warmer than Remus ever could have imagined. Oh, yes he would get great pleasure spending more time with this man.

"Don't you need more space?" Remus asked.

"I can move my hammock down here if need be. That is, if you need space. I'm not bothered," Sirius said, making a dismissive gesture with his hands.

Sirius looked like an eager dog who couldn't control the wag of his own tail. He might try to hide it but it was no use. Dammit, he wasn't going to make this easy on Remus.

"If it's not a problem with you then it's fine with me," Remus said.

"It's settled then! Excellent," James said with a loud clap of his hands.

Just then Harry awoke with a cry. James looked shocked then ran over and picked the boy up. Once he was in James's arms Remus realized he looked a little older than he thought at first. Unfortunately, he didn't catch a flash of Harry's eyes through the crying.

"Remus," Lily said with a tug on his shirt sleeve.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go outside with me while my husband tends to Harry? I feel in need of some air," Lily said with pleasant smile.

"Sure," Remus said and quickly got up from his stool and followed Lily, who leaned over and gave her son a kiss on the forehead.

"I'll try to umm… fix things for you upstairs," Sirius called out as they exited the lighthouse.

Remus sat on the middle step and Lily sat next to him. Remus knew she didn't call him out to get some air, though the chill breeze from the sea was nice.

As he went to close the door a hand suddenly stopped him. It was Lily.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she said.

Remus looked up at her. Even by moonlight her eyes stood out.

"Of course," Remus said and waved his hand across the steps with a smile.

Remus sat down on the middle step and Lily shut the door and sat down next to him.

"So what's your story, Remus?" Lily asked.

It wasn't an accusation, at least it didn't sound like one.

"My story? I'm a fisherman. There's really not much more to know," Remus said.

"What are you running from?" Lily asked then turned towards him with a sympathetic look.

"What makes you think I'm running from anything," Remus asked.

Lily frowned then looked away.

"I know a man who's running. I can sense it. I can sense your thoughts. I can't hear them, not exactly. But I sort of…" Lily said then paused and hung her mouth open.

She sighed then placed the palm of her hand under her chin.

"It's like threads leading many different ways. The threads make vibrations and I can feel the vibrations. They tell me you're afraid of something, something you're trying to run from. They tell me you're excited but worried and that you're desiring someone. Sirius, I've no doubt," Lily explained.

Remus was stunned but there was no use denying she was right.

"I promise you I have no intention-" Remus started.

"I can feel your intentions. I know they aren't bad. But whatever it is you're afraid of worries me. If you could tell me what it is maybe I could help you," Lily said, sounding sincere.

"I wish I could. I would give anything to have someone to talk to about it," Remus said then hung his head down.

"You could. Confide in me," Lily said and placed a pale hand on Remus's shoulder.

There was that feeling again. It made Remus nervous.

"You can sense it, can't you," Lily said, staring at her own hand on his shoulder.

Remus glanced at her then away and said, "I'm not sure what you mean."

"When we touch. It's electric, like lightning," Lily said.

Remus didn't know what to say. He didn't know what was safe to say.

"Sorry. But you do feel it, don't you?" Lily probed.

Remus finally nodded without speaking. Lily laughed, startling him. Remus turned to her in shock.

"Forgive me. I've just never felt anything like that before and I'm glad it's not just me. It's a relief," Lily said.

"What _are_ you?" Remus said.

Lily frowned.

"I can't tell you," Lily said.

"And you expect me to confide in you?"

Remus sat up and crossed his arms.

"You don't understand. I would give anything to tell you… to tell anyone. Even James doesn't fully understand, and he knows more about me than anyone. When I say that I can't tell you you have to understand that I don't mean that I'm unwilling. I can't say the words. Something stops me, some sort of force greater than me," Lily confessed, her eyes blazing in their sincerity.

Remus read the passion in her eyes then said, quietly, "I believe you."

Lily smiled and wiped at her eyes with a forearm.

"I want to tell you about myself, Lily. But I must confess I'm tired and very much afraid. I've never told anyone who didn't find out for themselves in a rather… unfortunate manner. I want to trust you. There's something about you that makes me think we could be great friends with me," Remus said and willingly reached over and grabbed one of her hands, softly.

The touch no longer made him nervous. Instead he was filled with a warm, calming sensation.

"I feel it about you too. We're kindred spirits. I feel it," Lily said and placed a hand on both their hands.

"I promise I will tell you. But not tonight. I'm sorry. I just…" Remus trailed off and closed his eyes.

He felt Lily squeezed their hands and he sighed.

"In a single day this is already the first I've ever felt to something stable. Something real. I can pretend my life is normal. I have friends, a purpose, and a beautiful, peaceful place to live. It's a lie but it's a lie I want to cling to," Remus stated.

"It doesn't have to be a lie, Remus," Lily said.

"Yes. Yes, it does. And someday you'll understand why. But not today," Remus said and stood up.

Lily also stood up and then surprised Remus by embracing him tightly. The electricity swarmed over Remus, making his toes curl slightly.

"Thank you, Lily," Remus said.

"I haven't done anything," Lily said.

"You've done more than you know," Remus said but he didn't explain.

Instead, he pulled away and went back inside. James had Harry sleeping in his arms. Sirius and Peter seemed to be quietly playing some sort of card game.

"We should head home, Lils," James said.

"Of course. Goodbye, boys. Goodbye, Remus," Lily said with a smile and brief touch of his arm.

"See you soon, Remus," James said and the three of them headed out the door.

Remus looked over at Sirius and Peter and smiled then yawned.

"Amazingly, I'm still tired. I'm going back to bed," Remus said.

"Good night, Remus," Sirius said and smiled at him brightly.

Remus smiled back and went upstairs. He crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep easily with the knowledge that Sirius Black would be joining him in the room at some point.

When he awoke in the early morning light Sirius was there in the hammock. It occurred to him that Sirius normally slept during the morning since a lighthouse keeper was needed at night. Sirius must've been really tired all day yesterday, Remus wagered.

As he pulled himself out of bed he tried hard not to look at the beautiful man quietly snoring in the hammock. He felt a great appreciation for him. But he was also attracted to him and afraid of what might happen if they got too close. If he were to ever hurt this gorgeous man he would never forgive himself.


	3. Give Me Mercy for My Dreams

Things didn't move as quickly as Remus had hoped they would. A week passed before James returned and announced a plan to pay people from the village to help salvage and repair Remus's boat with a bonus promise of food and trade goods to be provided later. James said that he was moving as quickly as he could and Remus tried his best to be patient.

Remus tried to avoid Sirius but it turned out Sirius Black was a difficult man to avoid. He always offered a cup of hot tea when Remus got up but before he had to go to bed himself and Remus found it hard to refuse.

Tea led to chats. They shared tales of lighthouse keeping and fishing. Remus tried to stick to the exciting and fun tales and avoided the more harrowing nights he had experienced, especially anything that might hint of his true nature.

For his part, Sirius's career as a lighthouse keeper had been fairly uneventful before now. Their lonely island rarely saw ships. Remus inquired as to why they should even have a lighthouse if there were never any ships. Sirius admitted it seemed pointless but the old lighthouse keeper had insisted ships could come again, and the island would need a beacon of some sort if they did.

As the weeks passed Remus found that he enjoyed the company of Sirius Black and not just because he was easy on the eyes. He liked the way Sirius smiled and the way he laughed. He liked the little things he did with his hands, the way he tapped his finger on the table when he was bored, the way he folded them against his chest when he was pleased and the way he clenched them when he was sad or anxious.

He liked Sirius's voice. It was youthful and kind, even when he was being sarcastic, which was often, it turned out. Remus could sometimes hear Sirius sing while he fixed their tea from bed. Sirius always stopped when Remus came down but Remus wished he wouldn't.

Remus liked waking up Sirius before it was time for him to start the beacon. Sirius hadn't asked him to take on this task but Remus felt it was the very least he could do. He liked the way Sirius snored, softly rather than obnoxiously.

He liked the way Sirius always watched the water, the way his eyes scanned the horizon almost like he was expecting a ship at any moment.

And it was obvious that Sirius liked him too and he wondered if he could tell it was mutual.

One hot day, Remus decided to take a swim just off the shore. When he was coming out of the water, in the nude, Sirius came over the hill and froze, a surprised look on his face. Remus wasn't sure what to do. His clothes were nearby and he didn't think Sirius seeing him naked was a big deal.

Remus smiled and nodded at Sirius only hesitating for a moment to give Sirius a moment to take in the view before casually strolling over to his clothes. He even turned around to pull on his trousers, letting Sirius admire his arse.

"Did you have a nice swim?" Sirius asked as he walked down the hill to a now clothed from the waist down Remus.

"Yes. The water is nice when it's hot," Remus said.

Sirius nodded and said, "It is hot, isn't it?," without ever looking away from Remus.

Remus struggled not to grin in response and when he found himself unable to resist he quickly looked away in a weak attempt to mask it.

"You should jump in and enjoy yourself a little," Remus said, slowly turning back once his grin had faded.

Sirius looked out at the water doubtfully.

"I don't know. I've never been much of a swimmer," Sirius said.

"Don't go too far out and you'll be fine," Remus said.

Sirius rubbed a hand on his clean shaven chin.

"I don't know. Seems dangerous to go alone. I better not," Sirius said with a frown.

Remus wondered if he should take the bait. Would it be too easy to just give in? There was fun in this mutual chase of theirs. It might be a shame to give in too early. Remus glanced at Sirius's disappointed face and his downcast grey eyes and knew he had no choice.

"I'll go back out with you," Remus said.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to put you out. You've had your fun already," Sirius said with a clearly insincere dismissive gesture.

"It's not a problem, really," Remus replied.

"Oh? Well, if you're sure. Just make sure I get back to the lighthouse by dark!" Sirius said and with a happy sound he tossed off his shirt and removed his trousers and pants.

Sirius was tall, lean and pale. Remus could tell he didn't spend much time in the sun which made sense given his occupation required him to be awake at night.

Sirius ran into the water laughing and Remus turned his head to admire his cute little arse. Not bad, he thought, removed his trousers again and ran back down to the water.

He was able to catch up to Sirius quickly. His inexperience in the water was obvious. He didn't swim so much as he flailed in a vaguely coordinated manner, like a drunken fish with arms and legs. He was exerting far too much effort, only to get caught up in waves as they pushed against him.

Remus felt at home in the water and easily glided his body along with perfectly timed thrusts of his arms and kicks of his feet. He had never been taught to swim and assumed it was something inherited from his condition.

Once Remus had caught up to and surpassed Sirius he stopped in front of him and laughed.

"Very funny. Yes, I know I'm slow. At least I'm not drowning," Sirius said with an embarrassed smile.

"It's fine really. You just need some more… finesse," Remus said with a nod and a stretch of his torso, hoping Sirius would admire his form.

"I'm not sure I have any. I'm a bit nervous out here, I'll admit," Sirius said.

"Don't worry. I've got you," Remus said and lightly placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder.

He had a sudden urge to pull Sirius to him and enjoy the feel of his lips but a voice in the back of his head tried to remind him that this would be a bad idea.

Remus rubbed Sirius's shoulder lightly then pulled the hand away and said, "You saved me, after all. It's the least I can do."

Sirius smiled proudly and reluctantly nodded.

"I'm not sure what else I was supposed to do. Just leave you there? It's my duty, Remus," Sirius said.

"Fair enough," Remus said and began to swim further out.

After a moment Remus stopped and waited for Sirius to catch up, panting and cursing.

"You're going about it all wrong, mate. Come here and let me show you," Remus said with a come hither gesture.

Sirius floated over and Remus gripped his arms and shook them.

"You need to relax for starters," Remus said and Sirius wiggled his body in response, inadvertently making Remus laugh.

"You're laughing at me," Sirius said then laughed himself.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. You look like a man who has never felt relaxed a day in his life," Remus noted.

"I can be relaxed," Sirius said and flopped back against the water, letting his body float.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"See," Sirius said then spit salt water out of his mouth. "Look at how relaxed I am being!"

"No. You still look stiff," Remus said and shook his head.

Sirius smiled and leaned back up.

"Fine. Show me how to be relaxed," Sirius said.

"I can't show you. You just have to do it. What brings you peace? What calms you? Think about it and let it fill your body and your mind," Remus said, thinking of how he preferred to calm himself after a storm.

Remus closed his eyes and thought of clear blue skies and bright full moons. These things brought him peace. A sense of pleasurable calm could be summoned at a moment's notice, letting his body remain at ease.

When he opened his eyes Sirius's eyes were closed hard and he looked more perplexed than anything else. The man couldn't even close his own eyes in a peaceful manner.

"What is it that troubles you?" Remus asked in concern.

Sirius opened his eyes then blinked and pursed his lips.

"You can tell me. It's just us, the sun and the water," Remus said though the sun was beginning to set.

Sirius took a deep breath, exhaled then said, "My family."

"What about them?" Remus asked.

Sirius frowned and furrowed his brow.

"I've never told you how I came to this island or… who I really am," Sirius said.

"Who you really are?" Remus asked.

So he and Lily weren't the only ones with secrets. The idea hadn't even occurred to Remus.

"I'm… God, it sounds so bloody absurd to say but: I'm a prince," Sirius said then cringed.

Remus considered Sirius for a moment and admitted he was every bit as gorgeous as he thought a prince should be, his hair wet and the sun gleaming off his skin.

"Really?" Remus said.

"Yes. Only I didn't want to be. My parents are awful. They are not at all fair or just rulers. They wanted me to follow in their footsteps but I couldn't stand the thought of being an instrument of oppression," Sirius continued.

Remus nodded and listened intently.

"But I feel all this guilt. I worry if I doomed my brother Regulus. Oh, he was the perfect son, no doubt. But he was also my brother. Maybe I could've stuck around and helped to guide him, make him see a different way. And I also wonder if I doomed my people. My parents will die someday. I would be king. I could change things."

Sirius looked out across the water in his usual way, only this time he was floating in the water. But he looked sadder and more filled with longing than he normally did.

"Anyway, I ran away from the palace when I was sixteen. I snuck onto a boat of what I naively believed to be pirates. The lads who were on it certainly let me believe they were," Sirius said and rolled his eyes then shook his head.

"I begged them to let me be a pirate too. They made me perform a series of ridiculous tasks before reluctantly agreeing to let me join them. James and Peter kept the act up well enough until we were actually captured by pirates," Sirius said with a sigh.

" _Actual_ pirates?" Remus said incredulously.

"Yes, I know! It's completely ridiculous. James and Peter finally admitted they had stolen the boat that the pirates were now stealing from them along with everything any of us owned, including our clothes," Sirius said.

"Then what happened?" Remus urged.

"Then they dropped us naked on this island and we never saw them again. Frankly, I'm still trying to figure out why they gave us the courtesy of dry land," Sirius said with a puzzled look, letting himself sink into the water for a moment before popping back up.

"So that's how you all came to be here?" Remus asked.

"Not exactly. James had stowed away to this island a couple of years before and met Peter who lived in the village with his mum. James got restless and convinced Peter to help him steal a boat… the only one at the island, though neither of them realised that at the time," Sirius said.

"Well, that explains some things," Remus said.

"Doesn't it though. In any event, they stole the boat which I then snuck upon and then pirates stole it from us," Sirius said with a disappointed look.

"So then what? Did you all walk down the village with your cock and bollocks hanging out?" Remus said with a grin.

Sirius laughed, turning red and covering his mouth in embarrassment then shook his head.

"No. You see, there was a beautiful girl there with dark red hair and emerald green eyes. Said her name was Lily. She helped us and introduced us to the lighthouse keeper. Of course, James was immediately smitten with her. I think we all sort of loved her, but not in the way James did. The way he looked at her… it was like she was the deepest blue sea that he longed to lose himself in. And he did, there's no doubt of that."

Remus wasn't shocked. Even he found himself immediately drawn to Lily, enough that he was considering revealing a secret to her that he had never told anyone.

"Seven years have passed since then. Everything that happened between James and Lily happened and now they are married and have a son," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Everything that happened?" Remus inquired.

Sirius shook his head and said, "Oh no, no. That's not my story to tell, Remus. You'll have to ask James about that one."

Remus nodded though he was more than curious.

"And anyway I didn't see most of it and what I do know I'm not sure I even believe," Sirius said.

Remus felt like the mystery over what exactly Lily was would eat him alive and decided to bury it for now as he didn't think he was getting an answer anytime soon.

Remus studied Sirius. He seemed more relaxed than he did before but Remus was afraid if he said anything he would go back to being tense.

"So, to get back on point, if it's your family that bothers you, what is it that brings you peace?" Remus pushed.

Sirius looked thoughtful then said, "My friends. Keeping the lighthouse. This."

"This?" Remus asked.

"Yes. This. Me and you. The water and conversation," Sirius said.

Remus felt genuinely moved. Sirius was smiling and the setting sun shone on his wet flesh and he had never looked more beautiful. And then Sirius leaned over and kissed him. He tasted of salt and honey. His lips clumsily brushed against his with a mixture inexperience and passion.

Remus pulled away in fear. His hands trembling, his heart pounding and his mind racing.

"What's the matter?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. It was nice. I just… It's getting dark. We should head back," Remus replied.

Sirius frowned and nodded.

"As you wish," Sirius said and they swam back in silence.

Neither of them spoke once they were back inside. They both dried off and Sirius brewed some tea. As Sirius poured a generous amount of honey into his cup Remus remembered the salty sweetness of Sirius's mouth and suddenly wished they were back out in the water.

Instead, they sat at the table and drank their tea in silence. Once the tea was finished Remus announced he was going to rest for awhile and headed up to bed. A few hours later he awoke and saw Sirius laying in the hammock and looking out the window, the light of the lighthouse making its rotations.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Sirius said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Think nothing of it. It's fine, really," Remus reassured him.

Sirius nodded and sighed then left the room quietly, leaving Remus to fall back asleep wishing that Sirius hadn't left.

When Remus awoke in the morning Sirius was already in bed asleep. Remus frowned and wondered if Sirius had simply been too tired from the swim and a long night watching the water to stay up for tea.

Remus instead went down to make tea for himself. He was curious how the contraption that James had built to heat up the water for the tea worked and hadn't had a chance to play with it himself. Just as he was walking over the sink there was a light knock on the door.

Remus went over and opened the door and saw Lily standing there with a friendly smile on her face. She was wearing a gorgeous, loose fitting and flowing dark blue dress. It was much nicer than something he would expect someone living on an island to have.

"Hello, Remus. Care for a walk?" Lily said.

"Of course. Let me put on my boots," Remus said and did just that before stepping outside and walking with her down the path to the village.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been by since our last talk. James has been very busy in the village so I've been taking care of Harry. Today's first day off James has had in a while to be honest," Lily said.

"I believe. It's really no bother, though I have been thinking about what you said before. About confiding in you," Remus said and turned and gave her a small smile.

"I'm sure you've noticed this scar," Remus said, dragging a finger from the corner of his mouth to his cheek.

Lily said nothing, only nodded.

"I don't remember how I got it. But I know that was when my life changed. My father was a fisherman too. He took me out on his boat to show me what it was like. He didn't know there would be a storm," Remus said.

Remus could remember how excited he had been and how much he had looked up to his father. He'd wanted nothing more than to follow in his father's footsteps back then. Little did he know he was about to be cursed to have no choice but to follow him.

"As I said, I don't remember what happened, not exactly. The storm hit hard and fast. My father tried to turn back but it was too late. Our boat was completely destroyed," Remus said then stopped walking and faced out towards the water.

Lily squeezed Remus's arm, the comforting electric feeling from their touch doing little to sooth these painful memories at this moment.

"My father lost a leg and his livelihood. At first I seemed fine aside from the scratch but I had lost so much more. I had lost my humanity," Remus said.

"You seem just as human as anyone I've ever met. Certainly, just as human as I am," Lily said.

Remus turned to face her and gave her a disbelieving look.

"And how much is that exactly?" Remus asked.

Lily looked away then said, "I am human in every way that matters, as are you."

"I lost my mortal soul that night, Lily," Remus said, and looked up at the sky.

Lily turned back towards him and gave him her own look of disbelief.

"What is a soul? Do you know?" Lily asked and crossed her arms over her chest.

Remus shook his head and looked down at his feet.

"If you don't know what it is, how can you tell you are missing it?" Lily asked.

Remus looked up but still avoided her eyes.

"I must have lost it. The thing I've become can't possibly have a soul," Remus said.

Lily stepped forward and placed her hand on his chest then closed her eyes.

"You have a heart. I can hear it pounding," Lily said.

"With your hand?" Remus said.

Lily nodded and smirked, a small admittance that she knew it seemed ridiculous. Remus understood what Lily meant by vibrations before. This wasn't like her normal touch. It was like vibrations searching his entire being.

"You have flesh and blood. You have wants and desires, hopes and fears. You are kind and you are afraid. You feel like you are filled with darkness but when I touch you all I feel is a warm light," Lily said then smiled wide and added, "It feels nice. Sirius is lucky."

Remus realized he had started to tremble and put his hands behind his back. Lily did not remove her hand yet.

"Remus, I don't know what souls are or if anyone has them. But you are not a creature of darkness," Lily said then finally removed her hand.

"Then what am I?" Remus asked.

"You haven't told me," Lily said with an uneasy smile

Remus rubbed a hand on his chin and sighed.

"I'll never forget the first time I changed. A storm came. Not as bad, mind. But it was enough for it to happen. Once the change starts I blackout. But when I awoke the house had been ravaged and my family had left and locked me up inside. Alone," Remus said, feeling himself choke up on the last word.

"They left you?" Lily asked, pulling a hand to her mouth in shock.

"Yes. I can't say I blame them, though it was devastating and terrifying at the time. I had no clue what had happened," Remus said, then continued to walk again.

"So you didn't know you had changed?" Lily asked.

"No. That revelation didn't come until later. I was an orphan living on the streets and stowing away on ships for the next few years. Finally, a storm hit while I was staying in the alley behind an old inn. I woke up chained up in jail. They called me a monster and a hideous creature of the sea. An abomination," Remus said with a grimace.

"How terrible," Lily said.

"One woman showed me kindness. She was the sheriff's wife. She said I wasn't a monster. I was a merman," Remus said.

Lily stopped walking forcing Remus to stop as well.

"A merman?" she asked, "I've seen paintings of mermaids and mermen. They seem beautiful."

"Legends are sometimes only half true. No, whatever I turned into wasn't beautiful. Regardless of what she said I _am_ a monster. I had nearly killed several people. I had… hurt them but as far as I know they never became what I am. Got lucky, I suppose," Remus said.

"Obviously, you escaped," Lily said and began to walk again.

"No, the sheriff's wife set me free. She even gave me a small boat. She said to spend the storms at sea if I could. I would be no danger to myself or anyone out there," Remus said.

"So that's why you were out in the storm that landed you here," Lily said.

They had reached what Remus now realized Sirius had generously called a village. There were maybe a dozen or so buildings standing and many were in rough shape. There seemed to be a tavern but it was quieter than what Remus was used to.

"And now I'm faced with the possibility of not being able to leave if there is another storm. And I've met some very nice people I would hate to hurt," Remus said, looking Lily directly in the eyes.

"I can help you. I have some ideas but nothing I can tell you about yet," Lily said.

Remus and Lily proceeded to walk around the village in silence. The people there seemed friendly. Most were busy working or tending to children.

"Where do you and James live?" Remus asked.

"We have a home on the other side of the cliff," Lily said and pointed up the cliff that overlooked the village.

"Looks steep. Rough climb," Remus said.

"Very. Climbing up and down with Harry is terrible on my back," Lily said then gave Remus a sarcastic look then burst laughing, bending over and clapping her hands in an amusement.

"No, there's a path a bit down the way that leads up to the cliff. James has an idea to build something to make it easier someday," Lily said, standing up straight and gesturing towards the cliff.

Lily went up to woman who was selling bread and gave her a few coins from a small coin person she kept on a belt. The woman handed Lily a loaf and thanked her enthusiastically. Lily then tore some of the loaf and gave it to Remus.

"Let's head back," Lily said and Remus nodded.

They spent the walk back in silence, both eating their bread.

Once they had arrived back at the lighthouse Remus invited Lily in for tea. Lily offered to make it but Remus insisted so he could finally have a chance with James's strange self-heating kettle.

When Remus set their mugs of tea on the table Lily quickly guided her hand over and made a small gesture over the cups. Remus saw a small, brief blue glow come and fade.

Remus looked at his cup suspiciously.

"Drink it. You'll like it, I swear," Lily said and placed a hand to her chest in a vow.

Remus lifted the mug to his lips and took a sip. It was the Chamomile like normal but it now had a slight mint edge to it. It was wonderful.

"That's amazing, Lily," Remus said then stared at her for a moment.

"Yes?" Lily said in response to his gaze.

" _You're_ amazing," Remus said, sincerely.

Lily smiled and looked genuinely touched.

"Thank you, Remus. You're amazing too, though I know you won't believe it. But there's more to you than just a monster, I promise you," Lily said, lowering her voice on the last part.

"Perhaps so. I want to believe that. I'm not sure if I can," Remus said

Lily leaned in and lowered her voice further and said, "You're worried about him," then gestured upstairs.

Remus nodded in confirmation.

"I've known Sirius Black for years. He can be a prick sometimes but he has a good heart. He'll see you're not a monster, I swear," Lily said.

Remus frowned and sipped his tea. He wanted to believe her more than anything. But who could love so a wretched creature as he?

"I swear," Lily said, her face pleading to be believed.

Remus smiled at her and nodded.

"I believe you," he lied.


	4. A Silent, Weary Tear

Remus knocked again and waited. He knew Peter was in there. There was no use in him pretending. They hadn't seen each other in many years. He was certain Peter was afraid of this moment ever happening but Remus knew this was long overdue.

"Dammit, Peter, open up. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm too old for fighting. I just want to talk to you," Remus said loudly.

After a moment, the door creaked opened, revealing a short, plump and balding old man. Peter looked terrible. He clearly hadn't been taking care of himself very well over the long years.

"Re-Remus," Peter stuttered, looking very distressed.

"Hello, Pete. I think it's time we had little chat," Remus said, and gestured towards the porch.

Peter grimaced and nodded then stepped outside. A cool autumn breeze brushed by, giving Remus chills. The wood of Peter's porch creaked and fallen leaves crunched as they walked over to a bench Peter had made himself long ago and sat down.

Remus found it difficult to speak. He wasn't sure what he could say. He had harboured bitter feelings for him for so long. But before he did what he had to do he wanted to make peace, if that was possible. He couldn't bare the thought of dying at sea, failing his mission and leaving such a deep wound unhealed.

"I'm sorry, Remus. Truly I am," Peter said, looking out at the horizon.

Remus examined Peter closely. The pain on his face seemed real but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"I've had all these years to think about it, you know. I was weak. I was a coward. I let Snape scare me. I thought I was doing what was right," Peter said then shook his head and said, "That's a lie. I knew it was wrong, but Snape promised I'd be rewarded if I only did what he wanted."

Remus raised his eyebrows. He hadn't been aware of this.

"Were you?" Remus asked.

"No," Peter said, again shaking his head, thin, white strands of hair bouncing with the movement.

"I never saw the man again after that day. He was gone. Sirius was gone and I realised it was my damn fault. My greed and cowardice got the better of me. It cost me my friends and it cost Sirius his life. I just… wanted away from my mum. I thought I could get my own place with the money Snape would offer me. Didn't work out that way though," Peter said and looked back at the home Peter had shared with his mother until her death many years ago.

"James could've helped if you, if you had asked him," Remus said.

"I know," Peter said looking ashamed.

"Your choice had terrible repercussions, Peter. What you've done can't be undone. But there may yet be hope for Sirius," Remus said and Peter gave him a shocked look.

Remus nodded and said, "Yes. Harry and Ginny think they've located him. I intend to head to the island where he has been spotted this very evening. But there's a storm coming. It's going to be bad. I might not return and I didn't want to take the chance of never being able to have this moment."

"What do you want me to do, Remus? Will you ask me to beg you for forgiveness?" Peter said, looking defensive.

"No. It is enough that you will even talk to me. What was done was done. I only wanted to give you a chance to make your peace before I leave. I may never return if things go badly," Remus said and stood up.

"Wait!" Peter said and stood up and grabbed the sleeve of Remus's shirt.

"Peter?" Remus said.

"Let me come with you!" Peter said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Peter! It will be dangerous. There's no need to throw your life away," Remus said.

"Please!" Peter pleaded and Remus could see his eyes shone with tears.

Remus didn't want to be responsible for possibly rescuing Sirius while keeping Pete alive too but with the way Peter looked right now he wasn't sure he could say no.

"It will be dangerous and I can't promise you'll survive. I can't even promise that I will survive," Remus said.

"I understand!" Peter urged.

"You do know that Sirius might not be so happy to see you," Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

Peter cringed but nodded in confirmation.

"Very well. Pack quickly," Remus said and walked down off the porch before looking back and adding, "I expect you on the boat before dusk. If you aren't there I will leave without you. There is no time to lose."

* * *

Remus stood on the dock wondering how much time he should give Pete before leaving. He planned to leave in short order and couldn't wait forever.

The next person to arrive at the dock was not Peter, however, it was Lily.

"Remus Lupin, how dare you try to leave without saying goodbye," Lily said and strode over to him swiftly and tightly embraced him.

Remus hugged her back, grateful that the magic of her touch had never faded after all these years, but also struggling to breathe a bit.

"Loosen up, Lils," Remus said and laughed.

"Sorry," Lily said and pulled away then wiped a tear from her eyes.

"Thank you," Remus said.

"For what?" Lily asked with a curious smile.

"Making me do this. I'm not sure I could live with myself if I didn't," Remus said.

Lily beamed at him but said nothing.

"Did you warn Harry and Ginny about the storm?" Remus asked.

Lily nodded.

"Of course I did. They were on the way back already when they sent their letter, I expect them back here tomorrow," Lily said.

"Good," Remus said, grateful that he wouldn't have to worry about them as well.

Just then Peter arrived at the dock.

"There you are, Peter," Remus said, though he secretly wished Peter hadn't made it.

"Peter!" Lily shouted and ran over and nearly tackled him into a hug.

"Lily!" Peter shouted in shock.

"I've missed you, Pete," Lily said.

"You too," Pete said, then pulled away, seeming flustered and embarrassed.

"Go ahead and make room in the cabin for yourself, Pete. We set sail within the hour," Remus said.

Peter nodded and quickly scurried onto the boat.

"He's not well, Remus," Lily said.

Remus closed his eyes and nodded.

"I know," Remus said and he stepped forward and took Lily's hands into his.

"Take care of him and yourself. Bring Sirius back home," Lily said, her eyes gleaming with tears.

Remus closed his eyes and felt tears streaming down his cheeks. What if this was it? What if they died in the storm? Remus opened his eyes.

"I promise I will," Remus said, and though the words had to be forced from his lips he somehow believed it was true.

He was ready.

"Farewell, dearest friend," Remus said and smiled at Lily before letting go of her hands and walking onto the boat, feeling unafraid.

* * *

At first, Peter's presence made Remus uncomfortable but as the first night wore on Remus felt glad for the company. It had been a long time since he had a conversation with someone other than James or Lily. He had forgotten that Pete had been a sweet boy long before he had been a betrayer.

But Remus knew he wasn't a sweet boy anymore. Peter was no older than Remus but Lily was right about Peter seeming not well. He had a terrible, persistent cough and the cool breeze of the sea only seemed to make it worse. He frequently seemed to pass out in the middle of talking only to wake up confused.

Remus wondered just how bad off Peter was, if perhaps he hoped to die on the sea in the middle of a storm rather than die alone in bed, the same coward he had believed himself to be for so long.

Remus resolved to not let Pete die on his watch. He would get him back to the island and get Lily to help him no matter what.

Once the storm hit, Remus's resolve was only slightly shaken. He felt the tension and tingling fill his body, urging him to change but Remus had made sure to brew some of Lily's transformation suppressing tea.

Despite his obviously poor health, Remus had to admit that having Pete around to help with sailing was a good thing. But once the storm got bad he sent Peter into the cabin. Remus was forced to sail alone, the way he was used to.

The storm was terrible, James hadn't been wrong. He wasn't sure if it was as bad as the storm so many years ago because he hadn't been consciously aware for most of that but this took him closer to the edge of transformation than he could recall. He felt angry and agitated but it fueled his determination. This storm would never witness his fear.

Days passed as the storm raged with only a few hours a day of reprieve. He let Peter help when he felt it was safe but that was rarely the case. At times, Remus worried he had gone off course but he knew the waters well, up to a point.

On the sixth day they passed the point which Remus had never crossed before. He had never had a good reason to go out so far, until now.

The seventh day was terrible and for the first time Remus truly feared for his life. It was a strange thing, but he had never really worried about death. He had lived so long worrying whether he would lose control and kill someone that he had never stopped to consider the limits of his own mortality.

For a moment, the rain was pounding from above and the waves were crashing all around him and as he saw darkness envelop him he decided he was going to die. He first felt fear but then a sense of calm. It was fitting that he would die at sea, after all, his monstrous rebirth had happened at sea.

But on the eighth day, Remus wasn't dead. In fact, his boat had not suffered any serious damage and the storm was now behind them.

At some point Peter creeped out of the cabin and screamed in excitement.

"Remus! We've done it!" Peter said as he stretched his arms up to the bright and sunny sky above them.

"Not yet, Peter, but soon. Now that we're out of the storm we should be able to reach the island in two more days. At least that is what I hope," Remus said.

But it wasn't until three days later, the eleventh day at sea, that they reached the island. They landed at a small, empty dock, with no one in sight.

"What do we do now?" Peter asked as they climbed onto the dock.

"I want you to stay here and watch the boat," Remus asked.

"What? I've gone this far!" Peter said, seeming crestfallen.

"I'm not putting you on the shelf, Pete. I genuinely need someone to watch the boat. I'm entrusting you with its safety," Remus said and affectionately placed a hand on Peter's shoulder.

Peter's looked moved then smiled and nodded.

"OK, Remus. You can trust me," Peter said and reached over and squeezed Remus's forearm then pulled away and walked back across to the boat.

Remus waved farewell and marched into the forest that covered the island. There was a dirt path and he chose to follow that. He worried that the absence of a boat meant that Sirius was not here right now. For now he refused to let himself consider the possibility that Sirius might have got stuck out in the storm.

Remus walked down the dirt path for an hour before he finally came upon a small log cabin. A woman sat in a chair in front of it. She had dirty blonde hair and looked like she was at least twenty years younger than Remus, around Harry's age. She had wide eyes and a curious smile.

"Hello," she said.

"Oh, uh, hi," Remus said and made a small wave, feeling awkward but determined nonetheless.

"Is someone here?" a voice called out from inside the cabin.

Shortly after a dark skinned man came out followed by two much younger and identical men, both with blonde hair and dark skin.

"Can we help you?" the older of the three said.

"I'm looking for someone called Captain Black, actually. My name is Remus Lupin," Remus said.

The four all exchanged meaningful looks after which the woman stood up and said, "I'm Luna. This is my husband, Rolf and my sons Lorcan and Lysander."

"Cheers," Remus said nodding at them all.

"Why are you looking for Captain Black?" one of the younger men asked.

"He's an old friend. I've been looking for him for a long time," Remus said, realising it was a lie as soon as the words had escaped his lips.

The three men looked suspicious but Luna was smiling at him.

"I think he's telling the truth," she said.

Remus had a moment of confusion and panic. What was going on here?

Luna took Remus's hand in one of her pale ones and said, "Come with me. I'll take you to Captain Black."

"Luna, are you sure?" her husband said.

"The Captain told me a man named Remus might come," Luna said in an odd, dreamy sort of way.

Remus felt frozen in time for a moment, almost dizzy. There was no denying it now: Sirius was here.

"Be careful, mum," one of the younger men said.

"Don't worry, Lorcan," Luna said then added, "We'll be fine."

Luna began to walk Remus through the forest, away from the path. Remus wanted to ask a million questions but didn't know where to start.

"I'm glad you came, Remus. The Captain told me everything about you. He said he used to think you were dead but one night he dreamed about you and decided you were really alive," Luna said.

"If he thought I was alive, why didn't he come to me?" Remus asked.

"He thought you were better off without him, I think. Or perhaps, that you wouldn't forgive him for leaving or maybe that you had moved on. He never really said," Luna said.

"Have you not seen him lately? You speak of him in the past tense," Remus said.

"I come to see him often," Luna said.

A few minutes later they came upon a clearing at the center of which was a stone marker that had some words carved into it. Remus knelt down to read them, brushing away dirt, his heart gripped in sorrow:

 _Captain Sirius Black_

 _Loyal Friend and Protector_

 _May your Star Always Light the Way_


	5. Those Who Mean to Love Me

Remus awoke to the sound of falling rain. It made his skin crawl and his chest feel tight. He opened his eyes, looked towards the window and sighed. It was only rain, for now at least.

Rain alone didn't trigger his transformations. He wasn't sure it was anything exact. The rain was enough to put him on edge. It made him feel like he could lose control and become the monster if he wasn't too careful. But that had never happened. He'd even tried before to trigger the transformation of his own will before and failed.

Even distant rumbling of thunder didn't do the trick on its own. Only a full blown storm forced the transformation. He could even resist during a mild storm somewhat, though the transformation would always come, inevitably.

Remus pulled himself out of bed. James had promised that repairs to his boat would begin any day now. Judging by the rain it wouldn't be today, Remus thought.

Lily was supposed to be around later with something she had apparently came up with for his personal problem. Remus was curious what it was.

Sirius was downstairs with a cup of tea waiting as usual. In the weeks since their kiss neither of them had mustered the courage to say anything about it or follow up on it. Remus was both glad and sad for it.

He had hoped whatever it was he felt for Sirius was just lust or even infatuation but as he saw Sirius sitting at the table, pushing Remus's tea across with a smile, he felt a sensation of joy mixed with pain. Spending time with Sirius made his heart feel like it was at war with itself. They were together but not in the way he desired.

"Good morning, Sirius," Remus said and sat down across from him.

Remus took his cup and had a sip. Sirius had got good at making the tea just in time for Remus to come down. The pleasure and comfort of this notion was powerful and he realized he didn't want it to ever stop.

He smiled and looked across to Sirius and said, "Perfect," in reference to the tea.

"Of course it is," Sirius said, smugly.

Remus was left no choice but to chuckle at Sirius's smugness. It was well earned, if he was being honest with himself.

These weeks Remus had spent here with Sirius felt like the most real thing he had ever had in his life. He'd always been terrified of being tied down and further more it wasn't practical.

Even still it wasn't practical. Eventually the change would happen. Sirius would find out his true nature one way or the other and no one can love a monster, of that Remus was sure. If he had his boat at least he could escape to the sea but if a storm were about to hit now he wasn't sure what he would do.

What if Lily was able to help him or even cure him, though? He could stay here on the island forever. He would never have to brave another storm and he could live with Sirius for as long as they both wished.

But that wasn't going to happen. He refused to even entertain the possibility. Monsters don't get happy endings.

"Have you ever been in love, Remus?" Sirius asked, suddenly, startling Remus out of his deep thoughts.

"What? In love? No, I've never been close enough to anyone to be in love," Remus said.

So Sirius's mind was in the same places as his right now. Sirius shifted and leaned in towards Remus, looking perplexed.

"But do you need to be close to someone to fall in love with them? What about love at first sight?" Sirius asked, seeming genuinely curious.

Remus shrugged and clasped his hands on the table.

"I can't say that I believe in it, or at least it's never happened to me," Remus said.

Oh, he had thought Sirius was beautiful from the moment he laid eyes on him and it hadn't taken long to desire to get closer to him. But it had surely only been infatuation, no matter what he was feeling now.

Sirius looked sort of disappointed and Remus felt bad. Clearly, Sirius had fallen for Remus faster than he realised. Remus needed to be careful. He had slipped with the kiss before and he could feel himself slipping now and this time he didn't believe he'd be able to stop.

"So you've never been with anyone before?" Sirius asked.

"Been with anyone? I've never courted anyone, if that's what you're asking," Remus replied.

"No, I mean…. Have you ever…" Sirius started but cringed and covered his face in embarrassment.

"Go ahead," Remus urged with a small nod of his head.

"Have you ever made love?" Sirius said, covering his eyes to prevent himself from seeing Remus's reaction.

Remus cringed at the term, which felt too sentimental for his taste.

"I've had sex, yes," Remus answered.

"Oh," Sirius said, sounding disappointed and uncovering his eyes.

Did he think their kiss was somehow less special now? Remus hoped not.

"Is there something wrong with that?" Remus asked.

"No, of course not. Just surprised," Sirius said.

"Do you think no one would want to shag me?" Remus asked, crossing his arms and smirking at Sirius.

Sirius laughed and shook his head, visibly blushing.

"No, I didn't mean it like that! I just thought with you keeping to yourself so much you'd never have time to meet anyone and convince them you like them well enough to get into their trousers," Sirius said.

"I've stayed at many villages with many lonely people looking for the pleasure of another just for a night," Remus said.

"Plenty of lonely widows whose husbands have died at sea, no doubt," Sirius said.

"Sometimes. More often it's lonely blokes whose wives died during childbirth or other sailors like myself," Remus said.

"So mostly blokes then?" Sirius asked, looking intrigued.

Remus nodded. Would Sirius also be disappointed that he wasn't the first bloke Remus had kissed?

"Yeah. I don't mind women but I prefer the company of men, I suppose you could say," Remus said.

Sirius grinned brightly.

"I've never met anyone else who was like me," Sirius said then added, "Someone who likes blokes, I mean."

"I bet you have and they were just afraid to admit it. It can be a dangerous world for people like us, in the wrong places, " Remus said.

Sirius frowned and slowly nodded in agreement, possibly remembering an unpleasant memory.

"So is it fun then? Just shagging strangers?" Sirius asked.

"It can be. Mostly it's just mutual relief, sort of like scratching each other's backs," Remus admitted.

"I can't imagine being that intimate with a total stranger," Sirius said.

"Who can you imagine being intimate with?" Remus asked and raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

No harm in having a little fun, Remus supposed.

"Oh," Sirius said, looking nervous.

"Sorry, I'm only messing with you," Remus said, and waved a hand dismissively.

"No, it's just… honestly, I've never been with anyone. Actually, when we…," Sirius started before looking embarrassed and continuing, "kissed, it was the first time I had ever… done that."

"Really?" Remus said.

"As I've said, I've never known any other blokes like us and I'm really not interested in women at all," Sirius said.

"Fair enough," Remus said.

Remus realized he had been watching Sirius's mouth and the way it moved, the way he licked his lips. He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing it or if Sirius had noticed

"I have the desire but I don't think I could do it with anyone I didn't care for, at least a little bit," Sirius said, then moistened his lips, and Remus remembered how wonderful they had tasted before.

"I don't have that problem," Remus said, realizing continuing this conversation would lead to nothing good and yet he couldn't stop himself.

He didn't want to admit it to himself but he really liked Sirius. He'd never been with anyone he actually cared for. If they were to be physically intimate he might not be able to hide his feelings and that would only lead to heartbreak.

Across the table, Sirius had an intense look then suddenly he ran around the table and crouched down to kiss Remus deeply on the mouth, his thin lips sliding hard against Remus's full ones. Remus placed his hands on Sirius's cheeks in an attempt to somehow pull his face in closer.

This time Sirius tasted vividly of tea and honey and Remus appreciated a subtle tease of his sweet tongue. Sirius placed his hands on Remus's side suddenly and Remus began to stand up, not really sure what was happening.

Sirius stood with him and Remus continued pulling Sirius's face into his even once they were both at full height and Sirius was forced to lean down to him. Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus's back and pulled his body close into his and Remus could feel his rapidly stiffening prick pressing into the bottom of Sirius's belly.

Sirius pushed Remus against the edge of the table, knocking both of their mugs off. Luckily, both were empty and neither broke, not that Remus cared much at that moment, as Sirius pressed his lips deeply into his, grunting with desire.

Remus fell back onto the table. Sirius leaned against him, his groin pressed against Remus's. Remus wasn't sure if the table would hold their combined weight but Sirius didn't seem worried.

Sirius didn't seem to know what to do with his hands as they clumsily moved around Remus's body. Remus finally gently grabbed them and placed them on his sides. Remus buried his face in Sirius's neck and sucked hard, making him howl in pleasure.

"Agh," Sirius moaned. "Oh God, Remus!"

Remus removed his mouth from Sirius's neck and then lifted Sirius up and helped him pull off his old black, cloth shirt which he tossed to the floor. He then did the same to his own shirt as well. Next Remus kissed down Sirius's neck until he found one of his pink nipples which he lightly sucked.

"Oh!" Sirius gasped as Remus then sucked on the other one.

Remus laid back, letting Sirius lean back into him. He grabbed Sirius's arse through his trousers and squeezed, enjoying how it felt in his hands. He could feel Sirius's prick poking his stomach while his own prick was cradled by Sirius's wriggling thighs.

In this distance, Remus heard a crash of thunder. It gave him chills but he was far too invested in what was immediately in front of him to a fear a storm right now.

Sirius's pressed his mouth into Remus's again. Remus felt engulfed with desire as he inhaled Sirius's hot breath and felt the careless glide of his lips against his.

Remus wondered how long it had been since he'd had any release. He'd barely found time for the odd wank in the bath. Right now, he felt ready to explode and it was nearly more than he could bear.

Sirius kissed Remus's cheek then whispered in his ear, "Can I touch you? I've never touched anyone before."

"You are touching me," Remus said with a grin.

"You know. Down there," Sirius said and glanced at the point at which their groins met.

Remus giggled then replied, "Please. Be my guest."

Sirius lifted off Remus, standing up, then slid his hand to Remus's trousers where the bulge was unmistakable. Sirius gripped it though the fabric and lightly squeezed, eliciting a moan from Remus. He felt like he might come right then and there.

"Fuck," he breathed through gritted teeth.

Sirius rubbed his palm slowly up and down the shaft, his hand shaking a little with nervousness. Remus reached down and placed his hand on Sirius's to steady it and guide it over his prick. When he was confident Sirius had it down he let go and let him proceed alone, watching him with interest.

Remus leaned back and bit his lip with a small moan. Sirius removed his hand and made to undo Remus's trousers, which he then slid down and off. He then slid his fingers underneath the fabric of Remus's pants and pulled them down and off leaving Remus fully exposed.

"Oh," Sirius said.

It came out a small, surprised sound as if he'd discovered something he didn't realize.

"Yes?" Remus asked, genuinely confused.

"Is this normal?" Sirius asked as he wrapped his long, thin fingers around Remus's long and thick shaft and held it firmly.

"I'm not sure what's normal. I'm not sure it matters," Remus said.

"I've seen James naked once but he wasn't… you know… aroused. I'm afraid my only point of comparison is myself and I don't exactly live up to… this," Sirius said giving Remus's prick a tight squeeze.

"Don't worry about it, it works just the same," Remus said, his voice strained with the pleasure of Sirius's touch.

"Fair enough," Sirius said and began to gently slide his hand up and down the shaft.

"Move your hand up near the head," Remus said, and Sirius did as requested, positioning his hand just below the head of Remus's prick.

His hand slid up and down to the ridge of his head, Remus's foreskin gliding with the motion. Remus felt incredible tension building, a familiar surging sensation of impending ejaculation.

Sirius was strangely adept at stroking Remus's cock. He knew just how to slowly squeeze as he moved up to the head, and trying not to come was nearly impossible. Remus wasn't ready yet.

His balls felt heavy and they ached. He could feel them tightening up against his body.

"Is this good?" Sirius asked, sounding very unsure.

"Incredible. You have no idea," Remus said and turned his head to the side and noticed something out of the corner of his eye on the kitchen counter.

Remus gently grabbed Sirius's wrist to still his movements.

"Sirius, if you wanted to make it a little more fun you could put some of that cooking oil on your hand," Remus said.

Sirius immediately let go of Remus's cock and ran over and grabbed the jar of oil. He then poured what looked like too much for his hand to hold in time to rub it in.

He dashed back over and grabbed Remus's shaft again and suddenly began to gracefully slide his now very slippery hand slowly up and down.

"Ohhh," Remus moaned, feeling practically on the edge of climax.

Sirius smiled up at him and continued to stroke with ease, filling Remus with a tension that made him curl his toes.

"God, that's so good. You have no idea," Remus groaned.

"Really? How about this?" Sirius said with a devilish grin.

Sirius seemed to suddenly be filled with confidence and he began to stroke much harder and faster, his hand continually gliding up to the ridge of the head and back down again.

"Fuck, I'm going to come," Remus called out and gripped the sides of the table as his body clenched.

Remus was filled with intense, hot pleasure that rushed through his body and his cock twitched hard. Remus arched his pelvis in anticipation as his cock spasmed hard, sending his hot spunk shooting up his torso in several bursts of pleasure.

"Unnhhh! Fuck!" Remus moaned.

Sirius continued to stroke Remus hard, getting come all over his oiled fingers. Remus looked down and was shocked at just how much he had came. Sirius removed his hand while Remus breathed hard, feeling speechless.

"I'll get something for you to clean up with," Sirius said and started to walk away.

"No. Let me up," Remus said and Sirius slid out of the way and let Remus get off the table, his cock rapidly going soft.

He didn't feel horny any longer, but he knew it was only fair if Sirius got off as well.

"Sit on this chair, facing me," Remus said pointing at the chair he normally sat in.

Sirius did just that and Remus grinned in delight. He then knelt on the wooden floor and pulled Sirius's trousers and pants down, revealing a small, curved and very hard cock. The tip was wet from arousal which Remus immediately licked up making Sirius jump and gasp.

Remus then put all of Sirius's beautiful cock in his mouth and slowly sucked up the shaft until his lips wrapped around the head and then he pushed back down.

Sirius made a high pitched sound of pleasure and Remus began to suck hard and fast up and down his shaft, wanting to waste no time and making Sirius come.

"Oh god, oh god! It feels so good," Sirius said through heavy breaths.

Remus made no attempt to respond, preferring to work on Sirius's prick as hard as he could, putting years of practice to good use.

Finally, Sirius let out a pained howl of pleasure, placing a hand on the top of Remus's head bucking his hips as his prick spasmed in Remus's mouth, filling it with his bitter and salty come which Remus dutifully swallowed.

A moment later, he looked up at Sirius's face and laughed. He was covered with a look of shocked ecstasy.

"I've never came that hard before. I didn't realize it could ever be so good," Sirius said as he tried to take in air.

"It's always better with someone else. Our bodies may not know the difference but our minds do," Remus said, poking Sirius on the forehead.

Just then there was a knock on the front door of the lighthouse.

"Lily!" Remus said, in a shocked whisper.

He had completely forgotten about her in the heat of the moment.

"Hang on just a moment, Lils," Sirius called out.

Sirius grabbed a rag and gave it to Remus who desperately tried to clean his chest and prick. Sirius, for his part, ran upstairs.

"You do know it's raining out here?" Lily called from outside the door.

"Yes, sorry," Remus called out as he struggled to get his clothes on quickly.

Finally, he rushed over the door and opened it, letting Lily dash inside. Lily was completely soaked from head to toe, her dress sticking hard to her body. She awkwardly grinned at Remus and gave him a friendly wave.

"Sirius, grab a towel," Remus called upstairs.

Lily grabbed the back of her hair and squeezed water out of it, which hit the stone floor with a splash.

"Better make that a few towels," Remus added.

In the meantime, Lily grabbed at the pouch on her belt and tossed it over to the table.

"For you," Lily said.

Remus went over and examined the contents of the pouch, which were remarkably dry. It appeared to be a mix of some sort of powder, some herbs and flowers.

"Brew it as a tea. I dug up some old books I have. There's nothing specific to your problem but I'm convinced this might still help you," Lily said.

"Thank you. I'm not sure how I can ever repay you," Remus said, feeling deeply moved.

"You can help me get these wet clothes off. I'm freezing," Lily said and gestured for Remus to come over.

Lily tossed her belt to the floor and then together they lifted her dress up and over her head, leaving her in her brassiere and knickers. Sirius came down with towels and made a surprised sound.

"Oh, hush, Sirius," Lily said as she removed her undergarments as well.

"Sorry," Sirius said as he handed her the towels, while looking away, seeming very embarrassed.

Lily rubbed herself hard with towel, especially her hair while Sirius turned away.

"Do you want some clothes?" Sirius asked.

"If you would, please," Lily said.

"I don't have any knickers," Sirius said.

"That's a shame," Remus said, quietly.

Lily laughed and Sirius looked shocked but headed upstairs. Remus thought Sirius would look very nice in something made of lace.

A minute or two later, Sirius was downstairs with a shirt and pair of trousers for Lily who had now dried herself off well. She dressed and Remus brewed a pot of tea with Lily's special concoction, which she assured him would be safe for all three of them.

"This is amazing, Lils," Sirius said.

"Thanks," she said.

"Absolutely," Remus said.

It was spicy but weirdly calming. He could feel comforting sensation with each sip. Unfortunately, it wasn't until he had finished the cup when he realized just how loud the thunder had become.

"Oh no," Remus said.

Between the euphoria from sex and the tea he hadn't noticed the subtle, growing agitation in his body.

"Shit!" Remus said and stood up panicked.

Lily looked at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"Maybe it won't happen!" Lily yelled, standing up.

"Get out! Both of you! Lock the door behind me!" Remus screamed, tears streaming down his eyes.

"What the _fuck_ are you both on about?" Sirius said, sounding angry.

"I can't explain right now! You have to listen to me and get out _now_!" Remus pleaded.

"No!" Lily shouted and made a quick motion with her hand and Remus saw an explosion of blue light.

* * *

Remus awoke, alone, in the bath, his head pulsating with pain.

"Ugh," he groaned.

"Remus?" Sirius's voice called from outside the bathroom.

"Yes," Remus shouted.

The door opened and Sirius and Lily both ran in. They looked tired and disheveled.

"What happened?" Remus said, feeling a mixture of terror and confusion.

"I knocked you out. Pretty hard, to be honest. We then carried you upstairs, ran a bath while you began to change. We got your clothes off and tossed you into the water. After that we ran out and locked the door," Lily explained.

"Did you leave the lighthouse?" Remus asked, slowly sitting up and noticing not much water was left in the tub.

"No. We were worried about you. We decided if you started to break the door or something that we would then head out the front door and lock it. But Lily," Sirius said then smiled at her before continuing, "felt confident the tea and her spell would keep you in place… so to speak."

"How could you endanger yourselves like that?" Remus cried while trying to pull himself out of the tub.

Sirius and Lily rushed over and helped Remus out but he fell to the floor.

"Sirius and I were never in danger, I promise you," Lily said as she grabbed a couple of towels from the cupboard.

Lily gave a towel to Sirius then they lifted Remus back up and began to dry him off. Remus would normally feel humiliated but he was far too out of sorts at this moment.

Remus looked over at the small bathroom window and saw daylight and no clouds in sight.

"Is it afternoon now?" Remus said.

"No, morning," Lily said.

"What? Won't James be worried about you?" Remus said.

"No. He's downstairs. He was always planning on coming by last night and obviously there was no way of pretending everything was OK," Lily said.

"So he knows too. I suppose I'll be kicked off the island or locked up in a cave or something," Remus said.

"I don't know what is going to happen now but it won't be that. We're your friends. We want to help you," Lily said and finished patting Remus dry while Sirius finished his legs and bottom.

Remus looked at Sirius. He expected him to look horrified or disgusted but instead he looked sad.

"Oh, Sirius, what must you think of me?" Remus said and felt himself begin to cry.

Sirius stood up and held Remus tightly.

"Lily has told me everything. I feel nothing but sadness for you," Sirius said.

Remus sobbed, his naked body collapsing into Sirius.

"I'm going to grab your clothes and check on James," Lily said and left the bathroom, perhaps to give them a moment alone.

Remus fell to floor in tears, Sirius right with him, his hold on Remus never faltering.

"I'm a monster! You should run from me!" Remus sobbed.

"You're not a monster. You're a man, Remus. Whatever was done to you as a child isn't your fault," Sirius said.

"You can't know that! What if it's not something that was done to me? What if it's just what I am?" Remus cried.

"Then it changes nothing. You are a wonderful person, Remus. We all can see it. Do you take us all for fools? Do you think we would care for a monster?" Sirius shouted, almost sounding offended.

Remus stopped to think. Sirius was right, he supposed. They had everything to lose and still they persisted.

"OK. I believe you. I'm not sure I believe it myself but I will accept that you do, and that's enough for now," Remus said, sniffling.

A moment later, Lily came in silently.

"Brought your clothes. James and I are going to go home now. I'm knackered and we have some things to discuss in private. Take good care of him, Sirius," Lily said and set the clothes next to them then leaned over and gave Remus a soft kiss on the cheek as he realised that Harry was probably downstairs too and Lily was probably sparing him that information.

"You know I will," Sirius said and Lily squeezed his shoulder then left.

Sirius lifted Remus up and helped him put his clothes back on. A vague scent of cooking oil reminded Remus of what had happened just before Lily's arrival and he laughed, despite himself.

"Is something funny?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"No," Remus said but then corrected, "Yes! Sorry. It's been a very unusual day."

Sirius slipped his shirt over Remus's head then smiled.

"To say the least," Sirius said then surprised Remus with a kiss on the lips the took his breath away.

Sirius pulled away quickly and said, "You must be tired."

"I was going to say the same thing to you," Remus replied.

"You're right. I am," Sirius said then yawned almost as if on call.

Remus also yawned then said, "So am I."

"Let's go to bed," Sirius said and led Remus upstairs by the hand.

Once they were in the bedroom Sirius led Remus to the bed which he climbed onto and slid beneath the covers. Sirius started to walk over the hammock but Remus said, "Stop."

"What do you need?" Sirius asked.

Remus rolled over and looked at Sirius and answered with, "You," then lifted the covers in summons.

Sirius made a small smile and nodded then slid in the covers next to Remus. Remus rolled back over and let Sirius hold him from behind. He found great comfort in the heat and touch of his new lover against him. Sirius kissed the nape of his neck and gently brushed his hair with his fingers.

There was so much Remus wanted to say but instead he found himself quickly drifting off in exhaustion.

* * *

When Remus next awoke it was dark again. He stretched and yawned then was startled when he realized Sirius was still there and awake.

"I thought you'd be downstairs," Remus said.

"Wouldn't dream of it. I wanted to be here when you woke up," Sirius said then gently stroked Remus's cheek with a hand.

"How about we go downstairs and have some of that tea?" Sirius said.

"OK," Remus said and felt himself brimming with happiness.

Awhile later they had finished their tea and were sitting there in silence. Neither of them had said much. They mostly kept smiling at each other. For Remus, having faced his worst fear and making it through it emotionally unscathed made him feel more alive than he ever had before.

Without knowing what he was doing he got up from his chair and went around to Sirius's chair. He then leaned down and kissed him hard and deep, placing hands upon his shoulders then sliding them down to his waist.

"Remus," Sirius said in gasp, pulling his mouth away then finishing, "What are we doing?"

"Finishing what we started before we got sidetracked yesterday," Remus said.

Sirius kissed Remus and they collapsed to the floor, Remus on top of Sirius. They both flung their shirts off and kissed as they rubbed their hard pricks together through their trousers.

Remus felt a confidence he didn't feel yesterday. He had made it through the storm a new man and he felt no fear or hesitation as he moved down Sirius's body and rubbed on his groin with his face, dragging his mouth along the outline of his Sirius's shaft.

Remus then pulled down Sirius's trousers and pants then pulled them off his legs. He kissed all around Sirius's thighs but didn't touch his cock. Sirius looked down in anticipation as Remus slowly kissed up his short shaft and kissed the head.

"Remus, let me try," Sirius begged.

Remus grinned, then stood up and pulled his trousers and pants down, leaving his rigid prick hang out. Sirius got on his knees and took the thick shaft into his hand. He lowered it to his mouth and wrapped his lips around the head and slowly pushed down, taking much more of him into his mouth than Remus expected.

"Fuck," Remus said as Sirius began to suck hard as his hands worked on the base on his prick.

Remus was glad he'd already came yesterday as now he could enjoy this without worrying if he would come too soon. Sirius was sucking his cock with far more skill that someone with his lack of experience would be expected to. He supposed it must be a natural talent.

Sirius hands and mouth worked incredibly in unison and the feeling was outstanding.

"That's so good, Sirius. You're making me want to fuck you over that table," Remus said and Sirius looked up at him with wide eyes.

Remus bit his lip, then said, "Stop that and go get the cooking oil."

Sirius removed his hands and mouth from Remus's cock and walked over and grabbed the oil then brought it over. Remus was standing by the table and stroking his thick shaft. He then turned around and leaned over the table, sticking his arse out at Sirius.

"Put some oil on your fingers," Remus said.

"OK, done. Now what?" Sirius asked.

"If you will, I'd like it if you stuck a finger in my arse," Remus said.

A moment later Remus felt pressure at his hole as Sirius slowly pushed inside.

"Oh. Ah, that's good. OK, now push inside until you feel a small bump," Remus said.

Sirius did just that and when he found the bump Remus let out a pleased sound.

"OK, I want you to push your finger in and out of my arse, making sure to hit that spot," Remus said.

Sirius did as requested and Remus felt his legs tremble slightly from the pleasure. He continued to stroke his cock over the table and was grateful Sirius's fingers were long enough to reach the spot.

"Add another finger, please," Remus said and Sirius did.

Remus moaned and felt like he could almost come.

"What does it feel like?" Sirius asked.

"I could show you, if you want," Remus replied.

"Please," Sirius said and removed his fingers and stood up.

Remus went over and put oil on his fingers. Sirius assumed his position against the table and Remus went behind and gently pushed a finger inside of him until he found the spot.

"Oh! That is… interesting," Sirius said, sounding pleased.

"You've never fingered your own arse before?" Remus asked, his voice low.

"Not really. I guess it never occurred to me to try," Sirius said.

Remus deftly fingered Sirius's arse while Sirius moaned and began to stroke himself. Eventually, Remus added a second finger which Sirius seemed to enjoy even more.

"Ahhh. Feels… so good! Does everyone know about this but me?" Sirius asked, his voice shaky.

Remus chuckled and continued to finger Sirius's arse.

After awhile Remus said, "Can I fuck you?"

"Will it hurt?" Sirius asked.

"Not if we use a lot of oil and I take my time," Remus said.

Sirius was quiet for a moment before looking back and nodding at approval, making a glance at Remus's cock before turning back around.

Remus went over and grabbed the bottle of oil then poured a stream of it up and down his shaft, rubbing it in carefully. He then went over to Sirius and poured some oil on his arsehole for good measure.

Remus placed the head of his cock on Sirius's hole and rested it there. He then very slowly pushed inside. At first just the head was inside and he let it rest there for a moment.

"Oh, wow. That feels… snug," Sirius said.

"It is. If you hurt, let me know and I'll stop immediately," Remus said.

"OK," Sirius replied.

Remus then continued to push himself inside as slowly and gently as he could. Sirius let out a long, strained moan which Remus took as a good sign. Finally, he was as deep as he could go. Remus held inside for a moment and rubbed his hands on Sirius's lower back.

Remus slowly pulled out, stopping when only the head was still in then sliding slowly back inside.

"Ohhh," Sirius moaned in obvious pleasure.

"You feel so good," Remus said as he thrusted in and out, slow and steady.

"You too," Sirius called out, and began to stroke his cock.

Remus already felt ready to come. The feeling of Sirius's wrapped so tightly around his cock and his moans of pleasure brought him great satisfaction. He loved watching his cock disappear inside of him.

"Mmm," Remus moaned.

Sirius reached back as if to pull Remus deeper inside of him. Apparently, he really did enjoy his cock.

"Can I fuck you harder?" Remus asked.

"Please," Sirius begged.

Remus began to thrust harder and faster and Sirius moaned loudly. Sirius began to push back in tandem with Remus's thrusts.

"Fuck, Sirius. You have no idea how good you feel," Remus said.

"Ahhh," Sirius moaned in response.

Remus was thrust hard while Sirius desperately stroked himself. Remus felt the aching tension that craved release building inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to explode inside of Sirius.

"Remus, it feels so good. I think I'm gonna come," Sirius said, sounding strained.

Remus could take no more and began slamming as hard as he could, his heavy balls slapping underneath Sirius. Remus couldn't stop thinking how cute Sirius's arse looked slamming into his cock.

"Ohhh. Oh, fucking fuck!" Remus called out then growled in pleasure as he came inside Sirius, feeling his body jerk and convulse as his prick spasmed hard.

"Ahhh," Sirius moaned as he arched his back and Remus watched him shake as his hand frantically stroked himself to orgasm. Sirius shot come onto the table while Remus was still coming inside him.

"Fuck!" Sirius shouted, squeezing his tight hole around Remus's still pulsing cock.

Finally, everything stopped and they stood still, basking in euphoria. Neither of them said a word or even moved. Eventually, Remus went soft and slipped out of Sirius.

Sirius leaned up and turned around. He then kissed Remus tenderly, pulling him close. Remus was filled with happiness, love and sexual euphoria. Deep down a part of him was still frightened. Maybe that would always be there.

But for now he was happy and felt ready for anything that might come his way.


	6. Time Will Take Its Time

Remus stood at the bow of his ship as the last of the cargo was removed from the hold. He sighed and brushed hair out of his eyes. He was home.

Remus walked off the boat and across the plank onto the dock. Everything was off the boat and in the hands of the villagers.

In the fifteen years since he first arrived and begun providing the village with fish and facilitated their trade with other islands the village had seen a great deal of change. It had happened faster than he ever expected.

It helped that many people had elected to permanently relocate to the island from larger islands, believing they could make a difference or even make money.

James had provided the villagers with lots of helpful technology, much in the vein of his self-heating kettle. He maintained that finding ways of making life more simple left people with more energy to handle the more difficult stuff, and much was difficult for the average villager.

On the other hand, he always missed Sirius and couldn't help but make his way to the lighthouse as fast as he could every time he docked. Sirius couldn't abandon his duty at the lighthouse so sailing the long weeks with Remus wasn't an option. This meant that they only saw each other for a week here or there.

Spending all this time away from Sirius had never proved to be ideal but there was little else they could do. Remus was lonely much of the time.

Lily did sometimes sail with Remus to find ingredients for tea that she could then provide the village along with seeds and plants she could bring back to grow on the island. Harry was eighteen now and spent much of his time with his friends and his girlfriend Ginny. But even this was only a couple of times a year as Lily didn't want to spend too much time away from her family.

Remus looked around the village. It had grown so much. There were at least fifty buildings now, all of them far more sturdy than what used to be there. Remus had never dreamed of the good he would do with the help of his friends.

Of course, some in the village complained about the all the outsiders Remus had brought in but most realised for there to be progress and prosperity more people were needed. There were more workers to do anything that needed doing and more customers for businesses.

"Captain Lupin!" a familiar voice called out.

Remus looked around until he finally spotted Harry and Ginny standing at the path leading out of the village to the lighthouse. Remus smiled and walked down the lane until he reached them. The moment he set foot in front of them they both jumped forward to embrace him tightly.

"Please, call me Remus, Harry," Remus said as he patted them both on their backs.

"I can't help it, I'm afraid," Harry said apologetically.

"Everyone's missed you. It's been weeks," Ginny said.

"It always is," Remus said as Harry and Ginny finally let go.

"Yeah, but not like this time. It was nearly a month," Ginny said.

Remus rubbed the back of his head. When he was alone at sea, time always seemed to move rapidly or not at all. Was he adjusting to being lonely?

"Oh. I hadn't realized," Remus said.

"We'll walk you back to the lighthouse," Harry said with a pat on Remus's arm.

"Fair enough," Remus said and started down the path with them.

Along the way they asked him further details about his journey. Remus knew they were both interested in going away with him but Remus had felt reluctant, even if they were considered to be of age now.

If Harry wanted to go, Lily wouldn't stop him, Remus was sure of that. But Harry wouldn't go without Ginny and Molly Weasley would give Remus a severe tongue lashing if he agreed to bring her.

But still, he thought, eventually if they wanted to be on the water there would be no stopping them, he was certain of that.

As they approached the lighthouse, Remus felt an odd sense of fear at the sight of the front door standing open. Sirius never left the door open just in case any animals decided to run in.

"Something the matter, Captain… er… Remus?" Harry asked.

"I'm not sure," Remus said and began to jog to the door.

Once inside Remus was caught off guard by Sirius looking grumpier than usual and sitting at the table across from a thin man with pale, sickly looking skin and greasy, black hair.

"Hello, Remus," Sirius said, not looking away from the man.

"We have a guest," Remus stated plainly.

"No, we don't. He was just leaving, actually," Sirius said and gestured from the man to the door.

"I'm afraid our business isn't settled," the man started then sneered as a he finished with, "Your Majesty."

Remus felt his heart sink into his stomach.

"What's going on here, Sirius?" Remus demanded.

Sirius looked annoyed then said, "Remus, this man is Severus Snape. He works for my brother."

"Your brother, the Prince Regent Regulus Black," Snape said, his voice soft but commanding.

"Wait, if he's become regent that means-" Remus started.

"My parents are dead," Sirius finished for him.

"I'm sorry," Remus said.

"Don't be," Sirius replied, sharply.

"You are trying my patience, Black," Snape said, dropping formalities.

"Then piss off, already! I'm not going back with you!" Sirius said, with a dismissive gesture.

"You _will_ come with me. Your brother commands it," Snape said.

"Can someone explain just what the hell is going on here?" Remus finally shouted.

"My brother has sent this arsehole to find me. Somehow he tracked me down. Someone at the village tipped him off about Mister Black who keeps the lighthouse and now here he is trying to drag me back to my brother," Sirius growled.

"You are the rightful king. Wealth and power is your birthright, you damned idiot," Snape said, his voice raising slightly.

"I don't want it. Let my brother be king and please do sod off immediately," Sirius said, got up from the table and marched upstairs.

Snape turned and looked at Remus with disapproval then stood up.

"So you're his… lover," Snape said, uttering the last word with plain disgust.

"Yeah. I am. Is that a problem?" Remus asked.

Snape didn't say another word. Instead he walked past Remus, Harry and Ginny and went outside.

"You can't let them take Mr. Black away," Ginny said quietly.

"I'm not sure what I can do, but I know Sirius won't go without a fight," Remus said and went upstairs after Sirius.

Sirius was in the hammock and sulking.

"You're adorable when you sulk. Have I ever told you that?" Remus said.

"A few times. Look, I'm sorry, Remus. I do miss you. Just terrible fucking timing," Sirius said.

"I can tell," Remus said and went over the hammock and bent over to kiss Sirius on the forehead.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Snape isn't the sort to give up until he gets what he wants," Sirius said.

"Have you met him before?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded and frowned.

"He met Regs when we were teenagers. I'm not even sure how. They're friends or something," Sirius said.

"He seems unpleasant," Remus said.

"Hmph. You don't know the half of it," Sirius said but offered no explanation.

Remus suddenly had a moment of panic. If Sirius was forced to leave, Remus couldn't go with him. The island depended on him. While other boats had been built there was no one as skilled at sailing that had his knowledge of the other islands. He would be damning them to ruin. He couldn't do that.

But then he would never see Sirius again. Perhaps, someday he could travel to Sirius's kingdom once he felt it was safe to leave the island to its own devices. But what would a king want with him, assuming he wasn't forced to marry and work on producing an heir?

On the other hand, how could he deny a nation their king? Sirius was a good man. Remus couldn't deny that Sirius didn't seem built for being a leader but he would no doubt be better than his brother or Severus Snape.

"Sirius… if you can't convince Snape to leave then I think you should go with him willingly," Remus said.

Sirius looked appalled.

"What? Are you taking the piss?" Sirius said.

"No, I'm afraid not. If this Snape man won't give up what will he do? Will he bring more people and more ships to this island? This is a peaceful place. We have a responsibility to protect that peace," Remus said.

"So eager to be rid of me, are you Remus?" Sirius said and rolled out of the hammock then stood to his full height.

"No! It will kill me to see you go, but I believe in doing what's right," Remus pleaded.

Sirius scoffed and shook his head.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing. My own partner tossing me overboard!" Sirius said, looking angry as tears streamed down his face.

"That's not true! That's not what I want! What I want is for Snape to leave the island! But you and I both know that's not going to happen. We have to be realistic. We've worked so hard to rescue this island from poverty and squalor. I can't bear to throw that away," Remus said, feeling hot tears in his eyes.

"Fine! I'll go then! Goodbye!" Sirius sputtered then marched back downstairs as Remus desperately tried to keep up with him.

"Sirius! Wait," Remus called down but Sirius was out the front door.

Remus ran down the stairs and dashed out the door only to find Sirius, Harry and Ginny just standing there, Sirius looking bewildered.

"He left?" Sirius said.

"Yeah. Said he would just lie to your brother and tell him you were dead," Harry said.

Sirius turned and looked back at Remus guiltily.

"I thought you said he would never give up?" Remus said.

Sirius shook his head.

"It makes no sense," Sirius said.

"We even saw his ship sail away," Ginny said.

"He's lying. He'll be back. He's got far too much pride to just give up," Sirius said.

"I hope you're wrong, Sirius," Remus said and wiped at his eyes.

Sirius walked back up to the steps of the lighthouse and embraced Remus then kissed him tenderly.

"I'm sorry, Remus. Maybe you're right, I don't know. But I've missed you. I just want to spend some time with you alone now," Sirius said.

"Ginny and I were just leaving," Harry said and Ginny smiled and waved and they walked back off down the path together.

Moments later Remus and Sirius were in bed and tangled up in each other's bodies. It was quick, passionate, and then it was over with Sirius was passed out in Remus's arms.

While Sirius slept Remus contemplated the afternoon's events. He worried Severus Snape would return and next time he would use force.

* * *

Two years passed, without an appearance from Severus Snape. After a while, Remus started to avoid even mentioning him or anything having to do with Sirius's family, in fear that with a single word he would return and tear them apart at last.

In the meantime, Harry and Ginny had built their own boat with some help from James, Peter and their friends. Remus had felt compelled to teach them everything he knew about sailing and provided them with an extensive map of as much of the world as he knew. But it was the parts that Remus didn't know that had made them curious.

One morning Harry and Ginny set sail, only leaving their parents short notes admitting they weren't sure where they were going or when they'd be back but promising they'd stay safe.

Weeks passed, then months and finally just over a year before they returned with an incredible story of danger, mischief and adventure, almost none of it intended.

Of particular interest was a visit they had to Sirius's family's kingdom. The oppressive and poverty stricken environment they described troubled Sirius though Remus was still afraid to prod him any deeper on the matter.

Once the dust settled, and everyone's strong emotions had subsided over Harry and Ginny's departure and the arguments that followed about exactly who was to blame, things settled back to normal. Harry and Ginny agreed to take much closer and shorter trips for the sake of everyone's happiness.

But then the storm came. James and Lily had concocted some sort of way to predict storms and their intensities that they most curiously kept to themselves. Even though Remus's condition was mostly under control, he still worried a big storm might force the monster out of him in a devastating way.

"Remus, this one scares me," Lily said as she sat next to him on the steps of the lighthouse.

"We've managed my problem all these years. I barely change at all now," Remus said.

"We've done everything we can to make sure the village would be ready for a storm this big but I still fear for them," Lily said, a dour look on her face.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus said.

"Go on the water. I need to focus on protecting the villagers. If something goes wrong with you, I can't be there to stop it. It's a complication we don't need," Lily said then turned and looked at him with regret covering her face and added, "I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus gently placed a hand on her face and said, "I understand, Lils. I never thought those days were fully behind me. James has assured me the ship is virtually storm proof thanks to all of his additions over the years."

Remus found explaining it to Sirius difficult, however.

"What if something happens to you?" Sirius pleaded, grabbing Remus by the shoulders.

"I will be fine. You've seen what I turn into," Remus said, giving Sirius a pointed glare.

"Well, what if you don't turn into it? Did you think of that?" Sirius said.

"I'm going to stop drinking the tea. I will change, Lily is sure of it," Remus said.

Sirius looked distraught but he let Remus go and turned away.

"Fine. Go out there and get yourself killed," Sirius said.

The clouds came a week later, right on schedule. Remus was already on the water, at least a day out from any island. He locked himself in his cabin. He brought some books with him to read just in case he didn't change and got bored, though he hoped he would remember to lock them away before he changed.

The first rumbling of thunder shook his heart. He had forgotten what it felt like after so many years on the tea. It was like a panic attack that kept getting worse until you passed out. And then you wake up to realise you must've missed the wild animal that had come while you were out.

The transformation grew inside of him for most of a day. When it finally hit his last thought was of Sirius and how he would give anything to return to him safely once the storm had passed.

* * *

Remus awoke to darkness. His eyes opened and light hit them suddenly, forcing him to shield them. The light was coming from the small cabin window. He had survived and of equal importance was the fact that his ship had survived too.

Unfortunately, he didn't know how much time had passed. The storm could've lasted for days during which he might have remained changed.

Remus felt famished and immediately saw to his supplies to grab some food and drink. With that taken care of and his clothes back on he went out to work on sailing home. When it doubt, James had installed a sort of compass that would always point to home if Remus got lost.

Once he was sailing it became easier to recognize where he was. He hadn't drifted much but it still took two days for him to reach the island again.

Once docked he was distraught over the damage the village had sustained. Repairs were already under way but he could tell it might be years before things could get back to normal.

Remus wanted to help them but for now his mind was pulled towards the lighthouse and Sirius. He needed to see him immediately. Remus, ran down the dock and through the village. He thought he heard a voice call out for him from somewhere but he chose to ignore it.

Remus ran as long as he could and once he couldn't do that he jogged until he finally had no more air and had to stop. His heart pounding he finally reached the lighthouse only to find Lily sitting on the porch, looking forlorn.

"Remus," Lily said, and looked up at him, sadly.

"Hello, Lils. The village… it's terrible. I need to see Sirius," Remus said and started towards the porch before Lily raised a hand, halting him.

"He's not here, Remus," Lily said.

"What do you mean he's not here?" Remus said, feeling his heart sink into his stomach.

Lily bit her lip and then wiped a hand against the corner of her eye and sighed.

"He's dead, Remus," Lily said.

There was a clear honesty to the words that felt like she had stabbed him in the heart.

"What? How?" Remus stammered as he begun to shake.

Lily stood up and approached Remus. Remus only just now realized she was draped in black, a colour he had never seen her wear before.

"Remus, the storm lasted longer than you may realise. You've been gone nearly a month," Lily said.

"A month?" Remus shouted, startling himself and some nearby seagulls who screeched then flew away.

"Yes. The storm went on for nearly a week after you left. Then there was a few days where the sky began to clear and everything looked like everything would be fine. At that point, Severus Snape returned for Sirius," Lily said then looked down at the ground.

"Snape," Remus repeated, tonelessly.

Lily nodded and Remus wondered if he had forgotten a moment of his transformation fading or if it had simply held during the storm's reprieve.

"Sirius was in terrible shape. You see, the storm was over and you hadn't returned. We all saw the damage to the village… no one believed you could have survived. Well, he did. Sirius, I mean," Lily said and made a small fake smile.

Remus felt like he was going to fall. Lily must have noticed and grabbed Remus quickly.

"Come sit down on the steps and I'll explain the rest," Lily said, leading him over to where he sat down.

Lily took a seat next to him and continued: "Snape didn't come straight to Sirius. I guess he thought he'd already tried that method before. He went to Peter instead. Turns out it was Peter who told him where Sirius lived last time. He must've seen something in Pete because he went back to him. He told Pete to convince Sirius you were dead."

"I can't believe Pete would do that," Remus said.

"None of us wanted to believe it. But James made him confess to all of it. I have no idea how he got the confession but he did. The point is that his effort worked: Sirius was completely broken and that's when Snape went down to the lighthouse. Whatever energy Sirius had before to fight against Snape he no longer had left," Lily said.

Remus wasn't sure how he was preventing himself from sobbing. He thought it possible he was too deeply in shock.

Lily continued: "Just as they were off James was rushing down to the lighthouse to inform Sirius the storm was on its way back. He was too late."

Lily was staring off at the water and Remus wondered what she was thinking. He had a sudden thought that they were all overreacting. After all, they believed Remus was dead and he had returned.

"The storm wasn't as bad as it was at first but it went on longer. Last week, a different ship arrived carrying Severus Snape. He was…" Lily started then closed her eyes.

Remus saw a tear stream down her cheek as Lily sniffled quietly.

Lily exhaled and finished: "He was checking to make sure the prince hadn't somehow survived their shipwreck and made his way back to this island."

"Shipwreck?" Remus asked, his body filled with shock and sorrow.

"Barely two days out they crashed into a rock. Most of the crew and Snape were rescued by another ship they had been waiting to rendezvous with. They searched everywhere for Sirius's body but his wasn't the only body they failed to find," Lily said.

Remus felt like he was going to vomit and realized he was shaking again. He finally felt tears.

"Snape searched the island but was eventually satisfied that Sirius was dead. He apologised for our loss, but it didn't sound very sincere," Lily said with a look of disgust.

"But you can't know! You can't know he's dead!" Remus said feeling himself begin to sob.

Lily leaned over and held him then said, "Harry and Ginny went out to search for him too. They couldn't find anything. He's gone, Remus. I'm sorry," Lily said, then began to cry too.

* * *

Even as the weeks passed there was a small part of Remus that held onto hope that Sirius would somehow show back up. But as the weeks became months and the months became years hope began to vanish.

Harry and Ginny had resumed their journeys on the sea. Remus was certain they continued to look for Sirius but didn't say anything about it. They did however report that Sirius's brother had ascended to the throne of their kingdom. The word on the street was that the new king was better than his parents as a ruler but rumours abounded that he was being manipulated behind the scenes.

Remus's mind turned to Snape but somehow Remus didn't see him as an ambitious man in particular even if he was a nasty sort. Remus resolved to not think about that kingdom as it wasn't his problem.

Recovery in the village was hard but steady. It helped that so many lived there now and that casualties from the storm had been low. But he found that gaining outside support was difficult, after all they weren't the only ones hit hard by that storm. One of the major trade outposts had been nearly obliterated by strong wind and hard waves and that in turn dealt a major blow to all of the islands and traders.

Remus could still collect fish, and while fish would feed people it wouldn't rebuild homes or rebuild ships and it wouldn't help anyone recover from injuries sustained during the storm.

Despite his great ambitions to provide for the village, Remus found himself once more just becoming a fisherman. He lived alone in the lighthouse at first, but eventually moved into James and Lily's home, which was far more empty now that Harry had completely moved out with Ginny, though they were rarely on the island anymore.

James found a way for the lighthouse beacon to work via automation. It would still have to be casually checked on by humans but for the most part the lighthouse would continue shining out in eternal absence of its keeper.


	7. I Had No Reasons to be Frightened

"What happened?" Remus asked, his fingertips brushing the engraving.

"His ship was destroyed by pirates," Luna said.

Remus remembered that Sirius had once before encountered pirates to an ill end. For a moment, he felt the strange desire to snap his fingers and rid the world of pirates.

Remus didn't moved for minutes. He wasn't even sure if Luna was still there, so he turned his head to look behind him. She was standing there, her wide eyes seeming strangely curious.

Remus wasn't crying. He didn't feel sad. More than anything he felt defeated and broken. He had weathered the storm for nothing. He and Peter could have died for nothing more than a visit to a headstone.

"I'm going to head back now, Mr. Lupin," Luna said.

"If you must," Remus said, slightly bitterly as he wished she would've just told him that Sirius was dead to save him the shock.

"The Captain said you would know what to do now," Luna said and began to walk away.

"What do you mean?" Remus said then stood up and turned around but Luna was already too far away.

Remus grunted in frustration. It was getting dark now and Peter had been at the alone at the boat for some time now. He looked down and felt a twinge of pain at the final engraving: ' _May Your Star Always Light the Way_ '. Remus shook his head and sighed.

He then felt himself feeling weak and fell back to his knees. Finally, tears began to stream out of his eyes, the weight of everything upon him. He felt the weariness of time, age and longing. He had let himself believe. He knew he had been wrong to believe.

Suddenly, Remus howled in pain. It came from a deep, wounded place inside of him. The howl finished Remus hunched over, strangely feeling better.

He pulled himself to his feet and opened his eyes. A flash of something in the distance caught his eyes. It was the beacon of a lighthouse.

The sun was setting and he knew he should head back to Peter so they could get away from this damned island, but the light called to him, almost a taunt. Perhaps, it would be all right to give into a flight of fancy one last time.

Remus dashed to the edge of the forest until he reached the beach. He could just barely see the lighthouse from where it sat upon a cliff a good way down the beach. Remus ran with all his might. He desperately wished he was a young man again and he wished he'd had a good night's sleep sometime recently.

He could only run so much before he had to stop and catch his breath. His knees hurt and he had quickly pulled a muscle in his calf which would only make this harder.

Remus ran harder than he could recall running in at least twenty years. He was drawn to the lighthouse like a moth drawn to a flame. Luna had said that Sirius thought he would know what to do. Perhaps, this was what he meant.

At long last, Remus arrived at the steps to the lighthouse, panting hard and covered in sweat. Shaking with fear and excitement, he knocked on the door. A short moment passed when nothing happened. Remus knew he was being foolish and was no doubt disturbing whoever the lighthouse keeper really was but he couldn't help himself. This was it, his final hope.

The door opened. The figure in the doorway was not Sirius Black. He had Sirius's dark hair, though it was much longer and grey streaked than Sirius's. He was about as tall as Sirius but much thinner. He was much older than Sirius was and he had half as many eyes as Sirius, or at least Remus assumed as much with the eyepatch and all.

The man who was not Sirius Black wore old ragged clothes that Sirius would've been horrified by and he slouched in a way that Sirius never would have.

"Took you long enough," the man said gruffly, surprising Remus.

"I ran as fast as I could," Remus replied.

"Well, come inside then. Tea's getting cold," the man said and stepped aside to let Remus in.

Inside, Remus found a room decorated much in the fashion that Sirius once decorated his dining area and kitchen, though, it lacked any of James Potter's inventions.

Remus found his tea on the table and sat down, deciding to follow this unusual situation to its conclusion. The man who wasn't Sirius did bear a striking resemblance to Sirius but surely he _couldn't_ be…

"Lorcan came down here an hour or so earlier. Told me that Remus Lupin was looking for me. I told him not to worry because ghosts can do no harm to flesh and blood people," the man said and slapped his chest.

"You made tea for a ghost?" Remus asked.

The man shrugged.

"Even ghosts deserve hospitality," the man said with a twirl of a finger and a smile, then sat down across from Remus.

Remus studied the man's face. He observed his thin lips and his single remaining grey eye. They were truly unmistakable, even after all this time.

"So why this ridiculous game?" Remus asked.

"I needed to be dead so I wouldn't get killed," the man said.

Remus took a sip of cold tea then gave the man a look of confusion.

"Trust me. I've accrued many enemies over the years. I'm not reputable like you. I've had to upset a lot of people to help those who are truly in need," the man said.

"Harry and Ginny told me you had a great reputation around these islands," Remus said.

"That's what I told them to tell you," the man said with a sly smile.

"You saw them? They came here?" Remus asked.

The man nodded and said, "They were already acquainted with Luna and her family. They are clever and figured it out, much faster than you did, I might add," the man replied with a wink.

Remus couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. Nothing about this felt real.

"Peter and I nearly died coming here because I was afraid you might be killed in the storm!" Remus said in frustration.

"Peter's here?" Sirius said and leaned forward a little before leaning back and saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't know about the storm."

"What happened to you?" Remus demanded, feeling himself becoming angry.

"When Snape's ship crashed in the storm I swam away from the wreckage. I didn't expect to survive but I suppose I had a change of heart. I wasn't even sure how I was alive. I was certain that I should've been dead. But I survived and a boat found me," the man said then folded his hands in front of him in a familiar way.

"You remember the tale I once told you of how Peter, James and I had our ship stolen by pirates?" the man asked.

Remus nodded and said, "Yes, of course."

The man snickered and said, "Same group, though they were much older, obviously. I found myself rescued by the same pirates that had once tossed me naked into the sea. A somewhat ironic turn of events, I'd say. The pirates put me to work. I'd love to say that I had a plan to escape but I had nothing. With you dead the only thing I had left was my life and I was determined to do whatever it took to keep myself alive."

The man rubbed his chin and continued: "At first I was just cleaning up after the pirates. Completely disgusting work, as I'm sure you can imagine. But over time, I worked my way up the ladder. The Captain of the ship taught me things and I learned well."

"You became a pirate?" Remus asked, feeling bewildered.

"For a time. But once I had worked long enough, I was able to secure my freedom and had them drop me off on a nice looking island, filled with friendly people. And then I bought myself a boat. I set myself up as a trader, but you see I had a touch of piracy in me now," the man said and flashed Remus a mischievous, toothy grin.

"Most of the big traders around here kept solid control over most of the goods and sold them at prices that most people couldn't afford. It didn't seem fair. So I hired people to nick the odd thing here and there from them, which I then sold at much lowered prices," the man said and beamed proudly.

" Bet this didn't make you many friends," Remus observed.

"Oh, no, no. Well, the people I sold to loved me, but the other traders hated me. I went on for as long as I could, but two years ago things became too dangerous. I lost track of how many hits there were out on me and I was damn lucky to even stumble into a tavern and not get assaulted. No, it was time for me to die," the man said, nodding as if he was reconfirming this fact with himself.

"Luna said you changed your mind about me… that you thought I had survived," Remus said.

The man shrugged.

"Remus, even as you sit across from me, sipping tea, I can't believe you are alive," the man said and looked sad.

"There's a bit of that going around," Remus said, glaring at the man.

"Hmph. I suppose so," the man said and smiled.

"It's really you. You're here and alive. This is really happening," Remus said.

"I suppose it is," Sirius said, and Remus felt his eyes filling with tears.

"Well, now what do we do?" Remus said.

"I suppose you'll be wanting to drag me back home," Sirius said and rolled his eye and laughed.

"Well, of course, I bloody will," Remus said and laughed.

"Good thing I've trained Lorcan to take over for me, I suppose," Sirius mused.

Remus felt overwhelmed with emotion. This couldn't be real but it was. Suddenly, he leapt up from his chair and rushed over to Sirius. He placed a hand on Sirius's cheek, which Sirius leaned into and affectionately rubbed his head onto Remus's palm. Remus leaned down and gave Sirius a small, sweet kiss on the mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks.

They left immediately. Sirius refused to bring anything with him, deciding to leave it all to Luna's sons instead. In fact, he revealed that he had already told Lorcan to pass on the message that he would be leaving tonight with Remus. Everything was going as planned.

After two hours of walking they arrived back at the ship. Peter was looking tired and leaning over the side when he squealed and quickly ran down the plank and onto the dock before stopping short of approaching Sirius.

"Hello, Peter," Sirius said.

"H-Hello, Sirius," Peter said.

"It's OK, Peter. I've had a long time to think about this. I don't blame you for what you did. I forgive you," Sirius said and then stepped over and embraced Peter.

"Thank you," Peter said through a choked voice.

Shortly after that, they were off. The voyage back was pleasant. Sirius had many, many years of adventures to recount day in and day out. Remus caught him on how the island was doing, though Harry and Ginny had revealed a lot to him already, including all the grandchildren, who were now teenagers.

It only took eight days to travel back, rather than the eleven, mostly storm filled, days that it had taken to get out there. Remus had sent out one of James's mechanical birds to prepare everyone for their arrival.

As he hoped, everyone was gathered on the dock. James and Lily were there as were Harry and Ginny and Ginny's brother Ron and his wife Hermione. The grandchildren had apparently all chose to stay at home.

As soon as they were docked James ran onto the boat and grabbed Sirius hard.

"Oh, my brother, how I have missed you," James said through sniffles.

"The feeling is mutual," Sirius said, hugging James back tightly.

Lily then made her way onto the boat and as James stepped aside, she also embraced Sirius.

"I _knew_ you were alive," Lily said.

And then it was time for the kids to run up and all attempted to hug him at the same time, making Remus laugh. He felt himself overwhelmed with so much joy all at once.

While the kids were huddled around Sirius, Remus followed Lily as she walked over to Pete.

"You're not well, Pete," Lily said, as she touched a hand to his cheek.

"I'm fine, really," Peter said.

"No, you're not, Pete! You should've come to me ages ago," Lily said, and grabbed Remus by the sleeve and lead him away from Peter.

"Can you still help him?" Remus asked, feeling worried.

"Yes. I can't reverse time but I have some herbs that might make him feel better and make however much time he has left… more bearable," Lily said, her face sad.

Remus nodded and sighed, facing the hard truth that despite everything he had done he would someday have to face the death of a friend. He wasn't sure how much Lily was able to tell about Peter's condition without a proper examination but he wasn't feeling in the mood to question it. The only thing Remus really wanted was to get back home to the lighthouse with Sirius.

"Just do what you can, Lils," Remus said and patted her gently on the shoulder.

Something suddenly occurred to Remus: the village. He looked out at it and realised it looked exactly as he remembered it.

"Storm never hit the island. Can you believe it? Guess we got lucky," James said with a smile and a shrug.

"Nearly killed me and Peter. Lucky indeed," Remus said and crossed his arms.

After that they all went to a tavern where many pints of beer were had and stories were told. Remus felt bad that all he could think about was being alone with Sirius.

He was glad everyone was happy to see him too, but after all this time he selfishly just wanted to hold Sirius. He wanted to feel Sirius fall asleep in his arms and he wanted to listen to the soft sounds of him breathing. He ached for it.

It wasn't until after midnight when everyone had decided they'd had enough. Remus was tired and drunk and Sirius appeared to be as well. Together they hobbled down the path to the lighthouse, not really saying much.

Once they made it to the lighthouse they went inside and up the stairs. Remus flung off his shirt and tossed his shoes aside and slid into bed while Sirius did the same. Sirius eased into the bed next to Remus.

Remus realized that everything smelt a bit old and dusty and crawling into a bed that hadn't been slept in for so many years was a bit ridiculous, but he decided just for tonight they could indulge themselves.

Remus held Sirius, his heart pounding. He could feel himself drifting into sleep and he desperately wanted to stay awake and savor the moment in fear that he would wake up and find out it was all a dream.

He held Sirius tight and decided it was no use. He was just too tired.

* * *

Remus opened his eyes, sunlight hitting them, painfully. He yawned then had a moment of panic as he realized Sirius wasn't next to him.

"Sirius?" Remus called out.

"Yes?" Sirius said and stepped in front of the window then added, "I'm right here."

"Sorry. I thought it had all been a dream," Remus said.

"Hmm," Sirius said and walked over the bed and bent down and kissed Remus on the forehead before whispering, "Then it was a good one."


End file.
